Alone In This House
by unimaginee
Summary: Rachel is relentlessly bullied, has no friends and no one. Sure, thats normal. She's put up with it for this long but everyone has their breaking point. And just as she's about to hit hers, two of the most unlikely people practically crash into her life. She doesn't really understand why but she decides to just going with it. After all, she deserves at least this much. (Q/R/S)
1. Alone In This House

_Before you start reading this i have a few things to say. If your here from my previous works I'm sorry its not a RWBY story, they probably will be one in the future but right now Im working on this. Secondly, I don't know how fast i'll be with the updates. I currently have the first five and half chapters written (each being just over 6k words) but right now i'm in a bit of a slump when it comes to writing. I will put new chapters out based one how much i'm writing. I'm not going to say something like 'review and the chapters will come faster' because it'd be a lie. Thanks you for giving this story a shot and I hope you enjoy._

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 _Alone In This House_

 _Chapter One: Alone In This House._

 _Quinn Fabray._

 _Quinn Fucking Fabray._

 _Fucking Quinn Fucking Fabray._

Rachel paused as the though snarled to life, surprising herself. Her own words made her paused for multiple reasons, one of them being the images that seared into life at the words. Visions of a beautiful blonde laying beneath her, panting, gasping desperately for breath, her face tinge pink with heat as she groaned out in pleasure. The imaginary feeling of soft flesh came to life on her fingertips as she graze hands gently down a taunt stomach, along hips and landing on exposed thighs. Rachel felt her own breath force itself from her lungs and her knees turn to jelly, almost giving out beneath her. She felt her stomach tie itself into knots, pulling painfully tight until she thought she was going to throw up.

When she registered the droplets of water crashing against her face, shattering on her skin, the anger that had let to troublesome thoughts being to flow back into her body. She started her stride back up again, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. The wind raced against the bare flesh of her neck and legs causing constant shivers to roll throughout her body. Her damp hair whipped back and forth, due to a combination of the wind and her powerful stride. Her shoes clicked lightly against the pavement but it was barely noticeable against the dull roar of the sudden, torrential rain that thundered loudly in Rachel's ears.

She barely saw anything as she walked down the street towards her house. She only saw red, could only see red. She was just fed up, so fed up with...practically everything. She was fed up with McKinley, with its messed up social hierarchy and dismissive, useless teachers that turn a blind eye to it all. She was fed up with the Glee club and how they treated her like crap until the moment they needed her. She was fed up with Finn Hudson and his apparent Bipolar disorder, one moment swearing he loved her then calling her a selfish bitch the next.

And most of all she was fed up with Quinn Fabray. Quinn was a completely mystery to Rachel, she couldn't, for the life of her, figure the vicious cheerio out. Most of the time she was tossing slushies and scolding insult like they're going out of style. She ruled the school with an iron fist and took no prisoners. She was absolutely ruthless, except she wasn't.

Every time Rachel had been slushied, after getting over the initial shock of the familiar sensation of an icy slap to the face, she would look up and see Quinn. The girl would usually be stood some way down the hall, smirking evilly, pure glee written all over her face, seemingly happy with the outcome she was looking at.

Except when Rachel met her eyes they would be hollow, grey, lifeless, desolate. They would show no sign of the happiness and mirth that was plastered on her face. Some thing indescribable would flicker behind those hazel eyes and then she would spin on her heels, her cheerios skirt punctuating the message she had just sent with a flourish.

Rachel would stare after the girls retreating form until the chill from the icy corn syrup running down her back would cause her to flee to the bathroom, away from the laughter and the mocking stares.

The sound of a car whizzing past, causing a light spray of the water to jump up from the road and collide with Rachel's leg, causing her irritation to lurch back up instantly. Her stride that had fallen to only partial annoyance again picked back to the forcefully march of someone scorned.

Her mind started to replay the day back to her, starting with Finn and ending with Quinn.

He had approached her spouting his usually speech about how he still loved her, despite the fact that they had broken up almost a year ago, and that he wanted her back, saying they could spend the summer together, happy and in love.

She hadn't had the tolerance at that point to endure his rather long winded apology, that he delivered like it was a speech he read from poorly scrawled writing on the back of his hand, so she just cut him off with a simple no.

The rejection had fallen from her lips without the usually cushion that she chose to provide, to soften the impact and reduce the hurt. The hurt look from her blunt words, or word, she guessed in this case, didn't even make her cringe with sympathy like usual. It didn't make her want to comfort the giant idiot like usual. She just wanted to leave the conversation like that and trudge on though her last day as a junior.

But of course he wasn't done and as usual his tone had turned from that of a wounded puppy to purely accusatory.

" _I can't believe this Rach. You were the reason we broke up and now I want to get back together and you're turning me down."_

She had again interrupted him and this time something she didn't entirely expect slipped past her lips.

" _Oh Finn, will you please just shut the fuck up with you're self-righteous bullshit. Please just spare me a migraine and move along."_

He had just stared at her in shock before calling her a bitch and turning around, throwing a fist into the lockers before deflating and sulking away, muttering obscenities beneath his breath. Her outburst had draw a few stares, as she didn't blow up like that often and definitely not at Finn.

The looks she got ranged from somewhere between slight fear to respect. She realised that the looks of respect were for finally not letting him walk all over her and she nodded to herself, giving herself as slight pep talk in her mind before getting on with her day.

For the rest of the day people gave her a wide birth as Rachel's annoyance seemed to just radiate off her. She managed to get through the rest of her classes without screaming at anyone, but that was probably due to the fact that no one talked to her for the rest of the day.

By the time glee rolled around, word of her outburst had travelled around school and she received a plethora of looks as she walked into the full choir room. She got hurt, annoyance filled looks from Finn, but that much was obvious, and Kurt, who was probably just acting out of brotherly love of some sort. She got confused looks from most of the glee club members, which included Mercedes, Tina, Mike, Matt, Artie, Sam. Lauren just looked like she didn't particularly care about what was going on around her. Brittany had given her a sad look and a small wave, Rachel couldn't help but smile back, even if it was a tad weak. From Puck and, surprisingly, Santana she had gotten a look that was strange mixture of approval and respect.

The strangest look was from Quinn thought, but that much wasn't surprising. Quinn had always looked at her in a way that made her heart pound slightly. Like she didn't particularly care but also like she was holding something back. Like she somehow knew that Rachel would know she did care, but didn't want anyone else to know for some reason. Just the fact that she might, actually care made her heart race.

Today the look she got was like all the other looks but magnified a thousand times over. It held so many emotions, that were so intense they almost knocked her over. They were all there, but they swam just below the surface. It was as if she was schooling her own expression, but her emotions were all there dancing like flames behind her eyes.

There was slight confusion, apprehension as she seemingly looked Rachel up and down, studying her, trying to find out whatever caused her rage. There was that same respect that she got from Santana and Puck. There was understanding and somber happiness, like she understood that Rachel was annoyed at herself for letting herself get riled up like that and hurting Finn but also glad she had. The one thing that stood out more than anything though was the slight flicker of hope and Rachel just couldn't rap her head around what it meant

For the rest of glee she had just sat silently in her seat, counting the seconds until it was over. Mr. Schuester had given her a few odd looks throughout his usually speech of understand and friendship and whatever else of that nature.

Throughout the meeting she felt a pair of eyes burning a whole in her back, but it wasn't a bad sensation so she ruled out Finn. And that only left Quinn.

As the realisation came upon her she felt heat flare slightly in her face under the blondes gaze and she felt a shiver crawl up her neck. She wanted to turn around, she wanted to confirm her suspicious and her curiosity nagged at her, but mostly just wanted to meet the cheerios eyes. She wanted to see those eyes and see what was hiding behind those evil sneers and ruthless insults.

But she didn't. She knew that Quinn would just look away the instant she started to turn and any hint of whatever she was feeling would just vanish, like smoke, into thin air.

When she had left she had throw a glance backwards at Quinn but the girl wasn't looking at Rachel and focused instead on packing away the book she had been reading, or most likely pretending to read, during glee. She was putting it away in a way that seemed deliberately slow and Rachel just sighed before making her way towards the exit.

Just as she pushed the door open leave the school she heard the light tapping of footsteps and the call of her heard.

Well, almost her name.

"Berry!"

She turn around, surprised, but only slightly, to see Quinn, because if anyone was calling her it would be Quinn.

Rachel stopped and waited, holding the door open as Quinn slipped outside with her and then she let it fall closed.

The silence had been awkward as Quinn stood before her, seemingly debating with herself as her eyes darted back and forth. Rachel could swear that she saw the other girl open her mouth to speak but pause, shaking her head slightly and closing it again.

"Is there something you need Quinn?" Rachel asked, allowing herself a small feeling of hope.

The girl paused for a moment, then her eyes narrowed but Rachel couldn't help but think she looked more scared that intimidating.

"Nothing Berry, just want to tell you have a good time alone this summer." She smirked, but the comment, nor the look had the intended effect on Rachel. Rachel could see in the girls eyes that she didn't mean it.

She just looked up at Quinn, disappointed, and then shook her head, feeling quite childish for expecting, hoping, for anything else.

"Whatever Quinn." She muttered, walking away.

She got in her car without even looking back.

Two minutes later said car broke down, leading her to her where she was now, walking through the rain, probably looking like a lunatic.

Her eyes were tailored to the concrete bellow her as she walked the whole was back from William McKinley to her house. She felt the cold and the rain soaking into her clothes but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She hated these clothes anyway, all the argyle and knee socks. She only wore them so when she got the next inevitable slushy facial none of the clothes she actually liked would get ruined.

She turned on to the pathway to her house almost automatically. Halfway up the path she took a glance up at the house, tearing her eyes away from the cracked concrete for a moment, to see her house. All the lights were off, no cars in the driveway, no sound came from the house, but that wasn't a surprise, it never was.

It wasn't surprising in the least but it still hurt and it was the final blow. It was like the day had slowly slid a knife into her heart, so slowly and carefully that she barely even noticed, but Quinn's comment had thrust the knife into her so painfully. And now, this was just twisting the knife, round and round in her chest, maiming her heart.

She stalked up to the front door, gripping the hand almost painfully tight. She took a breath, trying, and failing, to calm herself at least a little bit. But she couldn't, it didn't help at all. As soon as her supposed calming breath lefts her lips her anger just bubbled back up but this times it was ten times worse.

It was ten times worse because now instead of just the all encompassing rage, she felt, bitter, hollow sadness mixed in, making her stomach churn with anguish.

It was ten times worse because she knew this would how she would feel every time she walked up this pathway, every time she came home from school, every day for the whole summer.

She yanked the door open, practically ripping it off the hinges, stepped inside and slammed it shut with a satisfying crash. The house actually shook and for a moment everything was silent before the sound of glass shattering filled the void Rachel Berry called a home.

She flicked the light switch on to see a photo frame lying of the ground, shattered glass scattered about it.

Rachel felt her heart turn to lead and it sink to her feet. She took a few shaky steps over to the picture, falling to her knees beside it, not caring about the shards of glass tearing into the skin of her legs. She reached out a ran a finger along the frame, feeling the rough wood beneath her fingertip, following the bumps and grooves without a second thought.

She looked down at the smashed frame, a picture of her sandwiched between her two fathers staring back up at her. It was mocking, in a way, them peering up at her with smiles and joyful eyes. And then there was the younger version off herself, the same expression plaster all over her face. Rachel just felt pity for her past self.

 _If only you knew_ , Rachel thought bitterly as she met the eyes of her younger self.

She picked up the frame and tossed it in the trash bin that was kept near the front door and walking away, not bothering to clean up the glass.

She wanted to cry and kick and scream and just wish that it would all go away but she knew that wouldn't help. She just wanted the hurt and the loneliness to disappear but she knew she would only be getting her hopes up for the inevitable heartbreak she would feel when she woke up tomorrow and nothing had change.

She made her way into the kitchen, pulling out a tub of vegan ice-cream from the freezer. She then made her way upstairs to her room, grabbing the quilt from her bed and dragged it back downstairs with her.

She dropped onto the couch in the living room, cocooning herself inside the safety and warmth of her quilt. Rachel grabbed the TV remote off the table and switched it on, flipping through channels mindlessly until she landed on some random daytime reality show she barely recognised.

The bight images flickered in front of her but Rachel didn't see any of it. It was just a blur of colours and voices drifting around the room. She had picked one spot, the top right corner of the screen, and had been staring at it for the past hour.

Every now and again she would dig her spoon into the ice cream and she could feel in vivid detail the lump of cold slide down her throat and settle in her stomach. She couldn't even really taste it, as if all her senses at that moment were numbed from the anger and bitterness she'd been feeling.

But that was probably for the best, she needed time to cool off before she did something stupid. Before she did something that she couldn't take back no matter how much she wanted to.

Time drifted by effortlessly but Rachel's mind didn't make a sound. She sat in silence, trying to keep her focus on the incomprehensible images on the screen and the strange contrast between warm and cold provided by the ice cream and quilt.

And it worked, in part. Hours drifted by seamlessly and her anger start to ebb, becoming blunter and blunter instead of the razor sharp knife it was before. She felt herself take a deep breath, wondering if she should move now.

Quinn's comment again came to mind, the words burning into her mind like acid, scarring themselves into her conscious. She realised instantly that she shouldn't be moving, or thinking, just yet.

She let herself drift back into the state of barely conscious that she was in two minutes ago. She felt her eyelids grow heavy and close completely of their own will.

It was that kind of sleep where you close you eyes for a moment and when you open them five hours had pasted. It was that kind of second long sleep that left you so dazed and confused that you had no idea what was going on.

All the could hear was the sound of an annoying beep coming from somewhere beside her. Her eyes still trained to the TV, which showed some poor soul putting his whole heart into trying to sell some kind of fitness training programme that he assured is different from all the others, she reached beside her and blind felt for her phone.

She brought the phone up to her sight, the light stinging her eyes but he endured. She looked at the same message she had left herself along with her ten o'clock alarm. She had set it because she tended to go way into the night rehearsing or studying and ended up not getting enough sleep. She quickly shut the alarm off.

She check the time. Three in the morning.

She still felt tired, despite that she just sleep from probably seven hours, but she resisted the urge to crawl upstairs and collapse in her bed.

She unlocked the phone and opened up her contacts. She scrolled through them, looking at all the people who she knew wouldn't there for her, no matter how much she begged. Her contacts mostly consisted of the glee club and her fathers.

She couldn't bring herself to delete them from her contact, no matter how angry she got or how sad. She felt she couldn't do it.

Her eye caught one name in particular, Quinn.

The stared down at the name for a moment, thinking of all the times she had offered Quinn her friendship when she thought the blonde needed it the most, would appreciate it the most, and all of the times that it had been thrown back in her face. Rachel thought back to the comment Quinn made earlier and even though she didn't know, she couldn't know, it still stung deep, engraving itself onto her skin.

She realised that she wanted nothing to do with the blonde, not anymore.

So she opened up a new message and started typing.

 **Quinn, I am sorry for the ungodly hour but I felt that I had to say this now. My offer of friendship has now been revoked. I know it probably wont make a difference to you either way but I thought I should at least let you know.**

 **-Rachel***

Quinn groaned, rolling over in her bed after being woken up by her text tone going off. She stared up at her ceiling, asking why? Why her? Why did someone choose to text her at whatever god-damn time it is.

She rubbed whatever sleep from her eyes and reached over to her bedside table and dropped her hand down on her phone, dragging it off the table. Her arm hung limply off the side of her bed before she half-heartedly pulled the limb back to her side.

For a moment she thought about just ignoring it but the curiosity got the better of her, wondering who the hell could be texting her in the middle of the night. As she brought her phone up to her face all she could hope is that it wasn't a drunk Santana asking her if she wanted to 'hook up' again.

She read the message, then re-read it once more and felt her stomach turn to lead. She felt tears sting at the corners of her eyes but pushed them back. She forced herself to take a breath, forced her brain into motion. She forced the gears to turn in mind, question after question springing forth.

Why was Rachel texting her at three a.m?

She read the message once more, still digesting the words. She felt the tears become painful in their attempt to escape from behind her eyes but she took another deep breath.

She never thought Rachel would say something like this to her, she knew Rachel wouldn't. She should know after all, she had been watching the girl every chance she got for the past two years. She knew Rachel.

After all who doesn't know the person you love.

She knew Rachel and she knew what this was.

This was a desperate cry for attention.

She thought back to the school earlier, to when she first saw Rachel that day, standing by her lockers and once again Quinn couldn't comprehend how anyone could be so perfect. After a few moments letting her eyes linger on the girl she forced herself to look away and continued to her first period class.

She had heard about Rachel and Finn's argument that day and her heart soared at the words. She figured that Rachel was truly over Finn and even though she knew she wouldn't act on it but just the fact that the girl was single and moved on opened up Quinn's imagination to all sorts of different fantasies.

She at least let herself have Rachel in her imagination after denying herself any chance in real life.

But then she thought about how Rachel looked as she stood in the doorway to the choir room, her gaze sweeping over the glee club. The look in her eye was so defeated, so fed up, like she just didn't care anymore.

In that moment Quinn felt her heart burn painfully, sympathy and guilt bubbling up inside of her. She hated the look in the girls eyes and knew that, in some way, she was at fault. She hated herself for it but it was a hard habit to break.

Every time Rachel even attempted to get close, Quinn pushed with everything she had, her fears getting the better of her.

Which was exactly what happened just after glee club, but instead of Rachel trying to get close it was Quinn herself, but in the end Quinn just ended up pushing again. But this time it was different, she couldn't pretend that she didn't see that hopeful look in Rachel's eyes when Quinn had caught up to her. She had expected shouting, a long winded rant from the tiny diva but what she didn't expect was the disappointment that had laced the girls tone as she walked away.

She had meant to ask if they could hang out sometime during the summer, she had meant to ask if they could talk, so she could apologise. But instead a snide comment came tumbling out her mouth without her even thinking about it.

For the rest of the day she couldn't get that moment out of her mind, that moment where it felt like someone reached out and crushed her heart in the palm of her hand. She watched the girl walk away to her car, feeling helpless.

She knew that this was a desperate cry for attention, and for once she was going to give Rachel what she wanted.

Quinn stood up, flicking her bedroom light on and rummaging through her draws to find some clothes. She threw on a sweatshirt that reached her mid thigh and some jogging pants, not really caring how she looked right now.

She snuck downstairs, knowing that if her mom caught her she wouldn't be going anywhere. She would deal with whatever punishment she got for sneaking out later.

She made her way to her car, pulling away from her house. Her car sped down the empty streets of a slumbering Lima. Her dread grew with every turn of the wheels and before she knew it she found herself outside Rachel's house, but even then she found it took too long.

She stormed up the pathway and raised her hand to knock but hesitated.

What if Rachel didn't want to see her? Clearly she didn't if her text was anything to go by, but at least Rachel was thinking about her. What about her fathers? Surely they wouldn't take to kindly to their only child's bully showing up at their house at three thirty in the morning. But if she didn't want to see Quinn then why text her at all? If she really want nothing to do with her Rachel could have just not said anything at all. So clearly she wanted to be noticed in some way. Clearly she needed someone and in that moment and she felt Quinn was the only one who would pay any attention.

As soon as that final though past through her mind she rapped her fist against the wooden door, the knocking sounding loud and out of place in the silence of the morning. She stood there for a minute, her heart practically beating out of her chest, painfully colliding with her rip cage with every pulse.

When no one answered she knocked again, louder this time.

A few seconds past and she heard footsteps behind the door, Quinn breathing a sigh a relief. The peephole flip open and Quinn tried to look friendly under whoever's gaze. She heard in close again and then the locks turn and click until the door was pulling open.

The sight that greeted Quinn wasn't an unpleasant one, Rachel Berry in a tank top and sinfully short, hot pink boy shorts. If this was how she dress for bed every night, Quinn suddenly regret refusing all those offers of sleepovers because this, this was a sight she could get used to.

She focused her attention back on the girls face seeing a expectant look, one of slight annoyance and curiosity. The look Rachel was giving her didn't hide the redness of her eyes.

"What do you want Quinn?" Rachel asked, sounding tired.

What did she want? Quinn didn't really know. She wanted Rachel. But she couldn't achieve that right now. So what did she think she would get out of this trip? Maybe to provide some kind of comfort to the other girl? Maybe she should ask her the question that got stuck in her throat earlier that day.

"I just want to talk to you." Quinn tried.

"Well I don't want to talk to you." Rachel said back.

Rachel moved to shut the door but Quinn's hand shot out and held it open.

"Please...just, hear me out? Please?" Quinn pleaded and Rachel must have heard the desperation in her voice because she just stared for a moment before nodding and walking back into the house, leaving the door open for Quinn.

Quinn just stood there for a moment, not quiet sure if she was welcome in the house.

"Well come in then, if were going to talk I don't want to freeze as well. Despite the fact that I hear the last state of freezing to death is euphoria I don't quite want to put it to the test." Rachel said over her shoulder as she made her way back to the couch.

Quinn shook her head as a smile crept up on her. Even when seemingly depressed and had just spent what was probably hours crying Rachel was so very Rachel Berry.

Quinn took a step into the house and her amusement drain from her completely when she noticed the shattered glass on the floor in the entry way. At first she didn't know what to make of it and her eyes drifted over to the bin and she caught sight of the picture still in its frame laying into the waste bin and her frown grew.

She walked towards whereever Rachel had gone and found the girl sat on the couch, a blanket pooled at her side. Her eyes caught the TV and noticed the random infomercial playing and her eyebrows scrunched up slightly before turning back to the other girl. The scene seemed so odd to Quinn, probably because she knew something was very wrong but Rachel was sat there like nothing was going on.

"Okay, Berry. What the hell is going on?" Quinn asked exasperated, frustratedly confused.

Rachel's gaze casually shifted over to her, as if they were just two friends who were chating but the look in her eyes, hollow, as if she wasn't actually there in that moment, told Quinn that this wasn't going to just be casual small talk and a bit of friendly banter.

"I don't know what you mean Quinn." Rachel said, but Quinn could tell her confusion and disinterest was force. Rachel was a good actress but a terrible liar.

"Well, first of all of you texted me at three a.m, practically telling me you hated me-"

"I don't hate you Quinn." Rachel cut her off.

For a moment Quinn was stunned, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in an attempt at whatever word was supposed to be next. She felt a warm flutter inside her chest at the girl's words, mentally breathing a sigh of relief. Before the smile could burst onto her face she quickly carried on, pretending to ignore what Rachel had just said.

"-and then I get here to find that you have been crying and there's a smashed picture of you and your dads in the trash."

Rachel said nothing and her gaze fell form where it had been adamantly and defiantly lock on Quinn's. Realising that Rachel wasn't going to say anything she continued.

"Is this all because you accidentally smash a picture of something? I mean I know family means a lot to you and I know you can be a bit dramatic and you probably treasure family photos like that but-"

Rachel seemed to shift and it caught Quinn's eye. She stop speaking abruptly as she saw the girls eyebrow pinch and her eyes narrow, thinking she hit a nerve and was about to back away in preparation for whatever out burst was sure to come. She expected a rant on how important family memories are and how you must treasure those moments. She expected a passion speech underlined with simmering anger.

But nothing like that happened, Rachel just calming stood from her seat on the couch. She looked calm, but it was the kind of calmness that was more unnerving that relaxing. It was less calm and more like...lifeless.

Rachel took a few steps over to a coffee table and pick up a picture frame that was placed on top of it. Quinn watched her with a growing sense of dread. Her movements were so precise and sure that it was unnerving, almost like she was a robot programmed to do exactly this. Quinn watched the girl stare down at the photo for a moment but she couldn't see the expression that adorned the girls face, it being blocked by a curtain of brown hair.

Suddenly, in a way that so slow and so fast at the same time, Rachel coiled the arm with the photo in it and threw the frame across the room with a flick of her wrist. Quinn watch with wide eyes as the frame soared across the room, colliding with the opposite wall with a magnificent crash. She watch as it plummeted to the floor, the photograph of Rachel's two dads fall from its hold and drifting gracefully down to the ground. Quinn just staring in silence for a moment before turning to look at Rachel.

The sentence died on her tongue when she saw Rachel's expression. The girl was looking right at her with the same look she was wearing just before glee but ten time more. It was the look of a dead woman walking, lifeless and hollow. It was the look of someone who had given up, who didn't care at least in that very moment. In that moment Rachel Berry didn't exist and only an empty shell was left behind

And Quinn's heart broke, shattered into a thousand tiny pieces and she didn't think it would ever be the same again. There was a dull ache. It throbbed as it beat, the beat itself seemingly slow and laboured, as if she was having to put extra effort just get it to move. She didn't really understand what was happening but tears stung at the corners of her eyes. She never really knew there could pain like this, she thought that pain like this, complete and utter heart wrenching pain, didn't exists, that it was something of fairy tales and trashy romance novels. But now she knew, as Rachel looked at her with that look that wasn't anything, it just was, she knew.

The moment pasted and time seemed to move again and slowly Quinn's heart started to beat properly again. She was left with the wind sucked from her lungs and wondering if whatever just happened was actually real or if she just imagined it. But she knew it was real, because it was still there, that look, for a second it was still there then Rachel shrugged and dropped down on the sofa. The ache was still there too, dulled but still there and she wondered it if would go away when Rachel smiled. She wondered what it would feel like without it there, as if she couldn't remember what it was like without the painful throbbing in her chest.

"You meant those photos?" She asked but Quinn knew not to answer.

Quinn looked over to the glass shattered all over the floor, thinking about the sound of shattering glass, how it had echoed off the walls off her mind. She thought that if the Berry's were upstairs then they were definitely awake now. But if they were awaken then why hadn't them come down? Then that must mean there weren't here right? That was the only thing that Quinn could come up with.

That caused Quinn to think back to the last time she saw them, the last time she meet them and she realised that there wasn't a last time. She realised that she had never met the Berry men and not just that she had never even seen them, not even talking to Rachel after sectionals. And Quinn was pretty sure that if they were there Rachel would have introduced them, she always seemed so proud of her dads so Quinn couldn't really understand why she wouldn't.

Quinn's eyes found the girl sat on the couch, seeing her staring dejectedly at the carpet beneath her feet. Her gaze drift over to the picture of the Berry men laying on the ground and a question sparked to life in her mind.

She took a seat next to Rachel, the other girl barely even noticing her presence.

"Rachel, where-"

Rachel seemed know Quinn's next words before they even left her mouth and her gaze snapped up to the blonde.

"I don't want you talk about it Quinn." She said firmly and if Quinn wasn't looking into those eyes, those deep brown eyes that sparkled with need and want and loneliness, begging her to finish her sentence, Quinn might've just believed her.

"Rachel, where are your dads?"

Everything went silent for a moment and Rachel's breath seemed to hitch. The look on her face was as if her entire world had just shattered and when her voice came it was so incredibly small, so vulnerable and raw. And so, so hurt.

"I don't know."


	2. Falling Apart

_I've read this through to check and edit any mistakes i could find but in the end i'm only human so there are bound to be some mistakes. I try my best but i just can't catch them all. Hope you enjoy this chapter, please leave a review if you have criticism or just a nice comment._

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 _Alone In This House_

 _Chapter Two: Falling Apart_

Quinn watched on in silence as Rachel's walls seemed to crumble right in front of her eyes. In a way it was beautiful, poetic even. How she unravelled completely, her everything laid bare for Quinn to see. How she looked so vulnerable in that moment, so afraid yet so calm and content. How tears streaked quietly down the girls face, clinging to her cheek and neck, leaving trails that shimmered in the light, a magnificent reminder or their appearance. In that moment she looked like a beautiful statue, a great masterpiece of art. So full of emotion yet none at all. So alive yet lifeless.

Her face shifted from one emotion to the next and Quinn watched them all play across her face, like a performance, something to be watching and enjoyed. There was confusion, her face scrunched as if she couldn't understand something and a thin veil of frustration at not being about to figure it out. There was annoyance and hopeless acceptance, like a inmate admitted to death row resigning to his fate. But most of all was the pure unbridled hurt, pain that shone like a hot, raging fire, spiting and sputtering embers, engulfing everything around it in its heat.

Quinn watched for a moment, her breathing still. She felt like she couldn't move, couldn't do anything that could possibly break this beautifully tragic moment. She watch Rachel's labour breathing, chest and shoulder heaving with every intake. She watched Rachel's eyes blink away a tear every few seconds.

Eventually her sympathy and need to comfort the girl she loved won out of her awe and spurred her into action.

"Rachel?"

She didn't react and Quinn felt a growing sense of dread gnawing at the pit of her stomach.

"Rach?" Quinn said, her desperation and fear filling her voice.

Rachel still didn't move and Quinn lifted her hand and placed it on the girls shoulder, the action seem to bring back into reality somewhat. Her gaze moved over to Quinn but she didn't do anything for a moment.

Slight confusion came over Rachel's face as she looked at Quinn, as if she couldn't actually believe that Quinn was there, like she had forgotten about the past ten minutes and only remember herself crying, alone, in the middle of the night. She looked like she couldn't fathom why Quinn was there, disbelieving and stunned.

"Rach, it's okay." Quinn said in some attempt to comfort the girl. Even Quinn herself knew it was a pathetic attempt at comfort. She knew it wasn't okay, it was just something people said then they had nothing else. She tried to make her voice sound comforting, soft and gentle but it was hard to force herself out of the façade she had lived by for the past two years.

God she was so messed up. The girl she loved sat in front of her, heartbroken and in tears and she could barely bring herself to comfort the girl because she spent the last three years pretending to hate her. If she wasn't in this situation she probably would have laughed. The laugh would have been bitter and hollow but she still would have.

A sob fell from Rachel's lips and it snapped Quinn's attention back to her. Quinn watched for a moment while Rachel sobbed and whimpered softly. She looked like she wanted to reach out a seek some kind of comfort in Quinn but didn't know if she was aloud.

Quinn wrapped her arms around the girls shoulder and pulled her body flush against her own. For a moment Rachel was stiff in her arms but Quinn didn't let go. For a moment nothing happened and Quinn felt like she had been suspended in time, forced to suffer not knowing whether or not Rachel would return the hug. But after that moment had passed Rachel arms snaked shyly around Quinn's midsection and squeeze for a second before loosening. She felt Rachel release a shuddering, broken breath before fully relaxing in her arms and it brought a small spark of warmth to Quinn's chest.

Quinn held Rachel, the girl of her dreams, and rocked her slowly, rubbing her back in a soothing movement. She whispered calming words, her breath hot on Rachel's ear. She felt Rachel's chest rise and fall against her own with every shaky intake of breath but she forced herself not to think about the little jolts of pleasure it send spiralling through her.

Quinn thought about the position they were in now. To anyone else it would look like nothing but two friends. Because thats all it was really, a friendly hug, one 'friend' comforting another. But to Quinn it was so much more. She was holding the girl loved for the first time in her life and it was almost driving her insane. She realised now that all her fears of becoming Rachel's friend were justified. She realised that she couldn't had been Rachel's friend. It was no secret that Rachel was affectionate every chance she got and Quinn knew that she wouldn't have been able to take it.

She wouldn't have been able to take it without pouncing on the girl, or y'know asking her out like a normal person. And that could have gone two ways, heartbreaking rejection or Rachel would have said yes. Both would have been equally bad in Quinn's eyes. She knew that if she had given in and asked Rachel out a year ago and she had said yes it could only have ended in disaster. One year ago she hadn't been ready to admit to anyone bar herself that she was attracted to Rachel, that she was attracted to another girl. Two years ago she hadn't even been ready to admit it too herself and would have denied it till her dying breath.

She felt ready now. She had felt ready earlier but her fears had gotten the better of her for a split second and she had messed it up. Maybe it was because just they were so close to that school, that place. Just outside the doors of William McKinley High where she had to be Head cheerleader Quinn Fabray.

Heartbreaking sobs broke her out of her thoughts. She looked down to the girl in her arms and she felt tears burning behind her eyes, which she quickly shook off. Rachel didn't need her cry too right now. She needed to be there for Rachel.

"Rachel, sweetie, is there anything I can get you?" Quinn asked gently, hoping the girl wouldn't just suddenly lash out at her for just being nice.

It felt odd, being nice to Rachel. She had spend so much time doing exactly the opposite of that and now being kind just feels...odd. It feels like she doesn't deserve to be kind too Rachel after everything she had put the girl through.

"Water, please." Was all the girl managed to gasp out between sobs.

Quinn nodded, sure that Rachel could feel the action and got up off the couch. She made her way into the kitchen and rummaged around the in the cupboards, opening a few without any luck. Rachel much have heard the slamming and figured out what was wrong.

"Top cabinet next to the fridge." She called out from her spot in the living room.

Quinn smiled slightly as she made her way over to the cabinet Rachel had pointed out and she opened it up to find a bunch of glasses. She grabbed the biggest one she could find, just in case, and filled it to the brim, tapping her foot impatiently for all of the two seconds it took. Quinn walked back to Rachel as fast as she could manage without spilling the drink and placed it into Rachel's waiting hands.

Rachel took the glass and eagerly took a drink, downing almost half of the glass in a second. Quinn watched Rachel's throat bob with every gulp of water and became entrance by the movement. Her eyes greedily traced the line of the girls neck, taking in all the tanned flesh that was on show.

With the glass still half full, Quinn watched as Rachel swirled the glass in her hand slightly, gently rocking the water inside. Rachel seemed hypnotised by the calm waves and silent ripples create by her movement.

"Thirsty?" Quinn joked, trying to lighten the mood at least a little bit. It seemed to work because Rachel lifted her head and shot Quinn a sombre smile before going back to looking at the water in her glass.

"No not really." Rachel said with a sad, fond smile resting on her lips, as if she was remembering something.

Quinn quirked her eyebrow in question but didn't actually say anything. She didn't want to push Rachel into talking about anything she didn't feel comfortable talking about.

Rachel though, seemed to catch the action.

"My daddy always used to tell that whenever I was sad I should go get a glass of water. I don't really know why, probably just because he told me it would make me feel better, but its usually helped." Rachel explained, her somber smile from earlier fading away towards the end of her sentence.

"Usually?" Quinn questioned.

"It isn't doing shit right now." Rachel mumbled bitterly and brought the glass up to her face, inspecting the cup curiously as if it should be something more than just a glass. For a second Quinn tensed, thinking that Rachel was going to throw the glass across the room in anger but after a moment Rachel just sighed and lower the object letting it drop to the floor the remaining water spilling out onto the carpet.

Quinn watched as the water seeped into the beige carpet, darking the affected areas. She didn't really worry about it too much, after all it was only water, no damage was done. What she did worry about was the girl sat on the couch, barely managing to keep her eyes open, looking completely fed up. Fed up with holding the glass, fed up with this house, fed up with everything.

"I think you need to go to bed Rachel." Quinn said, rising out of the seat she had taken and making her way over to the girl. When Rachel made no move at all, Quinn just leaned down, hooking one hand around the back of the girls knees and placing the other on her back.

She lifted the girl up and cradled her to her chest. Rachel really wasn't that heavy and Quinn was in pretty good shape. It felt like years of torturous physical training with the cheerios had all been leading up to this moment, all be conditioning her just to do something as simple as carry Rachel up some stairs.

Quinn felt like it was worth it.

"Come on, time for bed." Quinn said, as if she was speaking to a small child. She watched with amusement as Rachel huffed defiantly, maybe because of the bed time or because of the way Quinn was speaking to her, but turned her head to rest on Quinn's shoulder none the less.

She watched as Rachel's eyelids fluttered closed and her breathing evened out. She watched the gentle, calm, rise and fall of the girls chest and she could feel Rachel's hands grip to her jumper loosely. In that moment Quinn thought that the girl in her arms looked so beautiful and she thanked God for giving her this moment. All the way up to Rachel's room, what Quinn suspected was Rachel's room if the gold star on that door was anything to go by, Quinn's eyes never left the girl. She was just thankful that she didn't trip on the stairs.

She lightly kicked open the door, not willing to remove her hands from Rachel for fear of dropping her. She made her way over to the bed and gently laid Rachel down on it, watching as the girl buried herself beneath the thick covers, curling into their warmth.

Quinn allowed herself a second to just look at her. Even when she wasn't trying, even when she was so vulnerable, especially when she was so vulnerable, Rachel Berry was so, so beautiful. For Quinn it was almost painful, looking down at the girl, her being so close, just within reach, yet not being able to do anything. Not being able to kiss and hold her, not being able to comfort her like she needed right now.

After that second passed Quinn forced herself to look away. She was already starting to feel like a stalker, stood over the sleeping girl, nothing else holding her thoughts other than wondering how soft Rachel's lips were.

She left the room, letting the door softly fall closed behind her. She padded her way down the stairs and made her way back into the living room and survey the mess that had been made. She peaked down the hallway and looked at the shattered glass all of the floor next to the door. She shook her head in mild annoyance.

She had decided that she should clean up, no matter how much she didn't want to. She realised that Rachel probably didn't want the reminder of this night when she woke up in the morning. And that thought was all it took to get Quinn moving.

She went over and picked the forgotten glass up from the floor and went and put it into the sink. She rummaged around the cupboards looking for something she could use to clean up. She found a large cupboard full of cleaning supplies and found a dustpan and brush in there.

She went back into the room and knelt down beside the small pile of glass from the picture that Rachel had thrown at the wall. She picked up the biggest shards, carefully, making sure not to slice open her hand and dropped them into the dustpan, then used the brush to sweep up the smaller pieces. She dumped the glass in the bin and then went and did the same over by the door.

She looked down into the trash can, seeing the photograph of Rachel and her fathers resting there covered in the glass that Quinn had just dropped in there.

Quinn had an idea and she made her way over to the door and went outside. She went down the drive to her car and opened the trunk, pulling out her Cheerios duffel back that she thankful left in there. She emptied the clothes and shower stuff into her trunk, not really caring about them at the moment and shouldered the bag.

She quickly made her way back inside the house, rubbing her palms together from the cold.

She went over and picked up the picture and the frame, shaking off the small shards of glass that clung to it. She put the picture back in the frame, just to hold it in place and dropped it into the bag. She then walked into the front room, her eyes scanning the walls and surfaces around the room that were littered with either family photos or photographs of the two Berry men.

Quinn made her way around the living room, picking up every photograph she could find and dropping it into her bag. She only glanced at the photos for a second before dropping them in, her eyes shining with curiosity and subdued sadness.

 _What happened to this happy family?_ She thought to herself. She could remember the way Rachel used to brag about her father, so bright and excited. Now she realised that Rachel would usually just repeated the same things over and over again, like a set speech she had for whenever her fathers were brought up. She remembered the way the girl used to recite this speech with forced enthusiasm but none of that Rachel Berry sparkle in her eyes.

She made her way down the hallways and up the stairs, picking up the few photographs that lingered about the home but most of them had been crowded in family room. She placed them all in her bag, trying not to thinking about the smiling faces within each of the images.

Finally when she had gotten all of them she made her way back to her car and open the back door and tossed the bag into the back seat, cringing with the contents of the bag clattered inside. She shrugged it off, realising that Rachel probably wouldn't mind too much considering she herself had been throwing them at walls earlier.

She made her way back inside and couldn't get over the weird feeling of just walking in and out of Rachel Berry's house like it was nothing. Quinn made her way over and collapsed and the couch.

She thought about what to do then. She was alone, with Rachel, well in Rachel's house. The girl was upstairs asleep, and would probably sleep soundly throughout the night if how exhausted she seemed earlier was anything to go by.

All logical thinking told her that she should leave, that she should never had been here in the first place. But something in her gut, some foreboding feeling deep down, something that seemed primal, instinctual, told her that she should stay.

The look on Rachel's face earlier, that look of utter and completely loneliness, told her that she needed to be here when the girl woke up, that she wouldn't want to be alone. That look of bitter sadness with underlying confusion and anger, told Quinn that Rachel needed someone.

After all she had been in a similar place once. Twice actually. Once when her father had kicked her out and another which didn't really have defined start point. A time before she realised who she truly was, behind all the HBIC façade. She could remember a feeling that could be liken to a gaping whole in her chest and she could never shake the feeling that something was just missing. She remembered being confused at why when at a glance she was perfectly fine. She remember being angry, frustration at not being able to figure out what was wrong with her. She had felt broken, damaged.

Then Rachel had changed all that. Made her realise, slowly, the lies that she had been telling herself.

What others think is important Quinn.

Yes you need to be on top Quinn.

Being popular is more important than anything Quinn.

No you didn't just stare at that girls lips Quinn.

You're attracted to guys Quinn.

You don't like Rachel Berry Quinn.

She shook herself out of the ravine she had ventured into. She needed to focus on Rachel right now, not think about her long winded journey to self discover, as she so often did, always ending up just going in circles around her own head.

She thought about what Rachel had said;

I don't know.

She didn't know what that meant. She didn't know? What does that even mean? How could she not know where her fathers were? Quinn's head started to throb. She realised that she wouldn't have any answers for herself. She would just have to ask Rachel tomorrow when the girl awoke.

She settled down on the couch, propping a cushion up against the arm and laying her head down on it. It wasn't the most appealing place to sleep, especially when Quinn knew that there were beds just upstairs. But she figured that it would do. She already felt like a creep.

She pulled the blanket that Rachel had been curled up in earlier over herself and cocooned herself in its warmth. Her eyes fell shut and because of the emotionally exhausting day she had it didn't take long to fall into into a troubled sleep.

Rachel woke up feeling slightly dazed and confused. She groggily looked around her room, feeling the fog of sleep lifting from her slowly. She scanned her room for the seconds time, as if she was looking at it for the first time, not actually sure how she got there.

All she remember from last night was crying, shattered glass and blonde hair before passing out.

Panic flared up inside her when the events of last night came rushing back to her. She remembered Quinn coming to her house, she remembered the photograph soaring across the room, she remembered the sting of tears, she remembered the water.

She felts tears sting her eyes, thinking about all the trouble that could come from what happened.

She imagined returning to school, or logging on to facebook to find comments like 'You gunna cry some more manhands' or 'god, you're such a freaking even your dads didn't want you.'

She felt her heart clench painfully when she thought about how that second would have been true.

She didn't want to think about it. She had a long time before school started back up and she could just avoid social media all together. Maybe, if God decided to have some mercy on her, Quinn would just forget by the time they get back to school.

She forced herself up from her bed and took a glance at her alarm clock for the first time. She realised that it was eleven and scolded herself for getting up so late. She left her room and started down the stairs.

She paused when she heard movement coming from her kitchen, the opening and closing of cabinets and plates moving around.

Was she being robbed? Was the first thought that shot through her mind. She had no idea who else would be in her house other than a robber or an axe murderer.

Good thing she planned for this.

She ran upstairs and quietly as she could. She opened and closed her door softly, making sure not to make any noise. She went over to her draws and opened up the bottom one and move some of the clothes out of the way to reveal a Glock 22 pistol and a loaded magazine.

She picked the gun up and slipped the magazine into the grip and locked it into place. The gun was heavy in her hands but she was used to it by now. She pulled the slide back and heard the soft click meaning that they was a bullet loaded into the chamber. She left the safety on as she made her way out of her room and back to the stairs.

She silently crept down the stairs, still hearing the noises coming from her kitchen. Once at the bottom she skirted along the wall towards her kitchen before pausing at the door. She knew she was being slightly dramatic but she was Rachel Berry, when wasn't she dramatic?

She took a deep breath before spinning around corner, gun held confidently in her hands.

"Hands up!" She screamed, pointing the gun towards the person in her kitchen.

She was met with the sight of an incredibly confused and scared Quinn Fabray. The girls hands instantly shot up in the air, not knowing what else to do.

"HOLY SHIT BERRY!" She shouted back at the girl holding a gun to her face.

It took a moment but once Rachel realised exactly who she was pointing the gun at she relaxed.

"Oh my god, Quinn." She said lowering the gun and sliding the magazine out. She cocked the barrel back, releasing the bullet from the chamber of the gun, before setting them down on the island that was in the kitchen.

"Quinn what are you doing here? You scared me." Rachel said, meeting the girls gaze to see that she had slightly relax but was still eying the gun warily.

When it seemed that Quinn registered Rachel's words her eyes snapped up to met the other girls.

"I scared you? You just pointed a gun. In. my. Face!" Quinn said, her terror over the situation that had just passed evident in her voice.

"Oh please, I never would have actually shot you. The safety wasn't even off and I'll have you know I have excellence reaction time and can easily make split second judgments, add that to the fact that my control over my firearms is immaculate and you really had nothing to worry about." Rachel said, waving the girl of like it was nothing

"Although I guess I should apologise. There was no way for you to know of my skill with a gun and i'm sure you must have been pretty panicked." Rachel said as she took a seat the breakfast bar, frowning slightly.

"Panicked doesn't really begin to describe it Rachel." Quinn said, her tone light and slightly amused, clearly not holding any grudges towards Rachel.

Rachel smiled momentary at the way Quinn had said her name. Quinn had never said her name before, not to her knowledge anyway. She may have said it the night before but Rachel couldn't remember, which wasn't much of a surprise considering how all over the place her emotions had been that night.

"Yes, well, like I said I'm sorry. But Quinn you really shouldn't have been in my kitchen, which leads me to the question of why you're here?" Rachel asked.

She watched Quinn fidget for a moment before looking up and meeting Rachel's eyes.

"I just thought...that after last night, you would want to wake up to an empty house." Quinn said sheepishly and Rachel would pretty sure it was the first time she could have used nervous to describe Quinn Fabray.

She let Quinn's words sink in and she felt grateful. Happy even. So happy that she felt tears swimming in her eyes.

"Oh, god. Rachel, please don't cry. I'll leave. I'm sorry, I should have known you wouldn't want me here." Quinn said, already making her way to leave.

Rachel quickly stopped her, a gentle hand on her wrist.

She stood up and quickly tugged Quinn towards her before the other could protest. She felt Quinn stiffen for a moment but Rachel just ignored it, feeling the need convey to Quinn just how wrong she was with that last statement, just how happy her being here made Rachel. After a moment Rachel felt Quinn sink into the embrace and she found that she had to hold back a squeal of happiness.

She was engaged in a hug with Quinn Fabray.

Safe to say Rachel felt quite excited.

After a long moment Rachel pulled back and looked the girl in the face. She saw something cross Quinn's face. Something indescribable and something so, so intense. Rachel had to swallow down the lump in her throat because of the look Quinn was giving her. She was so wrapped up in just staring into Quinn's eyes she didn't realise that her hands had slide down from the girls neck to hold onto her hands and that Quinn was returning the gesture.

She again thought about how happy she was simply that Quinn was here. Quinn Fabray, the girl she had offered friendship to countless times. Quinn Fabray, the girl everyone in school envied, the girl everyone looked up to or feared.

Her thoughts drifted back to was she was thinking the moment she woke up. How she thought that Quinn was use this to humiliate her, to demean and insult her. She felt a spike of guilt and dropped her gaze and hands away from Quinn's, taking a step back.

"I feel that I have to apologise Quinn." Rachel said, taking her seat again and watching as Quinn took the opposite seat.

"For what? Other than pointing a gun at me?" Quinn said but her tone wasn't accusatory, merely teasing.

"Quinn, the first thing I thought about when I woke up this morning was how to were probably going to use last night against me, how when I next saw or heard from you next it would be some venomous insult about my fathers and then when I get downstairs I see that you're here and just wanted to make sure I was okay." Rachel looked up to Quinn and she could see the hurt on the girls face for a split second before Quinn lowered her head and face out of Rachel's view.

"I assumed the worst Quinn and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry and I thought that you at least deserve honesty." Rachel reached across the table and clasped her hand around Quinn's, squeezing gently. The action caused Quinn too look up and she studied Rachel's face a moment and she seemed to notice the worry that was there. She gave Rachel's hand a soft squeeze back accompanied by a small smile.

"You shouldn't apologise Rachel. It's definitely something I would have done." Quinn said bitterly, hating how true her words were.

"Exactly Quinn. It's something you would have done, would have. Not anymore. That shows just how much you've changed in the time I've known you." Rachel said sincerely.

Quinn looked up and Rachel could see tears brimming in her eyes. She got about two seconds of a completely vulnerable Quinn Fabray. She looked happy at Rachel's words and she couldn't believe the affect her words had on Quinn.

In that moment Rachel thought that nothing could be more beautiful than the girl sat across from her.

The moment past and Quinn pulled her hand away from Rachel's, using it to wipe furiously at the her eyes.

"So, why the hell do you have a gun." Quinn said.

Rachel knew it was a blatant change of subject but she let it go. Despite what other people may think she knew Quinn Fabray. And she knew that if she pushed the girl on whatever emotions she was feeling Quinn would push back, ten times harder.

"A girls gotta protect herself Quinn." She said with a slight smirk.

"Yeah but a gun? Is that dangerous?" Quinn said, again eyeing the gun nervously.

"Not when you know how to use it properly." She said picking up the gun and turning it over in her hand.

She noticed Quinn visibly flinch with every turn of the gun and Rachel could help but laugh at the girl.

"What?" Quinn demanded.

"Quinn the gun isn't going to hurt you. Its not even loaded!" Rachel said, pulling the trigger over and over again, only being met with a dull click.

Quinn still looked unsure.

"The only way I could hurt you with this now is if I threw it at your head and while I may be a great shot, my arm is terrible." Rachel said and for her effort she received a laugh from the other girl. Rachel couldn't help but smile.

"Do you want to hold it?" Rachel asked. If it was loaded she would never even think about handing it over to Quinn, but as it is, not loaded and the magazine next to her, nothing could go wrong.

"Are you sure?" Quinn asked but Rachel could see the curiosity in her eyes.

"Yeah, here." Rachel said holding it out for Quinn to take.

Quinn reached over and tentatively took the gun. As soon as Rachel let go and the gun was fully in Quinn's hand her hand dropped slightly, not expecting the weight of it. She then held in it two hands, getting a feel for holding the gun. She started turning the gun slowly in her hands, just as Rachel had done a moment ago, looking at it intently.

Rachel watched on as Quinn's full concentration was on the weapon in her hands. Rachel couldn't help but think that Quinn looked like a child who had just gotten a new toy that they didn't quiet know how to work yet. Like an infant trying to figure out why the cube wouldn't fit into the circle shape hole. Then she realise how terrifying the thought of an infant with a gun was and promptly shook it anyway.

Rachel watched as Quinn tipped the gun forward slightly but lost her grip on the handle, the weight of the barrel bringing the gun further away from the girls grasp before Quinn could recover. The gun fell to the floor and hit with an dull thud instead of the clack that she suspected.

She figured out what was going on when Quinn shot up from the chair with a gasp.

"Son of a bitch!" She yelled, limping over to the counter top and bracing herself on it.

Rachel got up out of her chair and made her way over to where Quinn was, seeing the tears of pain in the girls eyes.

"Quinn! Are you okay?" Rachel said, placing a comforting hand of the small of the girls back, rubbing in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

"Yeah...yeah, I'm fine." Quinn said, trying to breath through the pain. Her foot was throbbing uncomfortable, sending jolts of pain through her every time she even thought about putting weight on it.

"Go sit down on the couch, i'll just go put the gun away, because clearly it doesn't like you." Rachel said, trying to joke to lighten to mood. It seemed to work some because she received a half smile from the girl.

She quickly made her way upstairs and put the gun back in its place, making sure there was no lose bullets. She then quickly made her way downstairs to find Quinn sitting on the couch just like she had asked.

She made her way into the front room and took a seat opposite Quinn in the loveseat. She instantly noticed that Quinn wouldn't look up from the floor. At first Rachel thought that maybe the girl was just inspecting her foot but when she noticed Quinn nervously clenching her hands at her side Rachel just had to ask.

"Quinn?"

Still the girl didn't look up and Rachel just looked around the room, looking for anything that could give her a glue as to why Quinn was acting like this.

She took in the surprisingly bare walls and empty table tops and she knew what had changed about the room.

"Quinn? Where are all the photographs?" She asked, not exactly angry, just confused really.

"There in my Cheerios duffel bag. In the back seat of my car." Quinn explained.

"Okay. Why?" Rachel asked.

"I just thought...that, I dunno, you seemed pretty angry yesterday when you were throwing them around and I figured that it has something to do with whatever happened with your dads. I took them all down because maybe having that reminder wasn't that good for you..." Quinn finished, still not raising her eyes too look up at Rachel.

Rachel knew that Quinn was right. She knew that the photos that would have been all around were just a constant reminder of what had happened. They hung on the walls, taunting her, mocking her. She just hadn't had the heart to take them down. Despite everything that had happened she still loved her dads.

"Thank you Quinn. That's very thoughtful of you." Rachel said, her tone smooth and soft, genuinely grateful that Quinn had done something like that. It may seem small and insignificant but to Rachel it meant everything.

Not only had Quinn done something that Rachel didn't think she would have been able to do on her own, just the fact that Quinn had thought about her like that, had realised that they were something that bothered Rachel, meant a lot.

No one was ever so considerate of her, not anymore. No one ever seemed to care this much, yet here was Quinn.

It still baffled Rachel.

Quinn lifted her eyes to met Rachel's and gave the girl a smile.

"Rachel, what did you mean yesterday when you said that you didn't know where your dads were?" Quinn asked quietly.

Rachel winced at the girls question. She had knew it was coming but that didn't mean it stung any less. She didn't really want to answer and she knew Quinn would respect that and if she just said she didn't want to talk about it Quinn would just drop it. For a while at least.

But after the show she had put on for Quinn yesterday and how caring the girl had been since Rachel had woken up today she felt that she owed Quinn something.

"I can't go into all the details. Not right now, maybe not ever. But I'll tell you all I feel ready for."

Quinn just nodded her head. She knew that was way more than she deserved.

"I-...I meant exactly what I said yesterday Quinn." Rachel said, her eyes flitting to the floor. This was hard for her to talk about, hard for her to relive, even if just through memories.

"I don't know where they are. And I haven't know for three years. I've been here on my own since I was fifteen." Rachel said, her voice breaking multiple times throughout the sentence. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes to look at Quinn.

Quinn was just sat there, stock still. She looked absolutely mortified and Rachel didn't really understand it, but she appreciated that Quinn seemed to care so much.

"I-" Rachel tried but she just ended up choking on her own words and cutting herself off.

Quinn seemed to snap out of her trance at the amount of emotion in Rachel's voice. Quinn quickly made her way to sit next Rachel, arms tugging their bodies together, her head going to rest on Quinn's shoulder. She felt arms around her shoulders, holding her firmly, comfortingly and Rachel relaxed slightly.

She wasn't crying yet but she knew when she manage to force the next sentence out of her then it wouldn't be long.

"I- I just woke up one day...and they were gone." Rachel said and she fought to keep the sobs and tears inside her but it wasn't a battle she couldn't win. She tried so hard no to cry but she just couldn't help it.

She had been abandoned by the two most important people in her life and without them she just felt so lost and alone. But then she remember that right now she wasn't alone. Quinn. Quinn was her with her, comforting her, holding her, whispering that it was all going to be okay.

For the first time in three years, she thought that maybe it would be.


	3. Apologies

_Lets just pretend that i haven't been doing absolutely butt-fuck all these past three months. Santana is in this chapter, so theres that._

* * *

 _Alone In This House_

 _Chapter Three: Apologies_

Quinn sat there, with Rachel in her arms and digested her words. She felt the girl's body shudder against her her own, in rhythm with each broken breath. She could feel the girls tears on her shoulder and arms around her waist. But she was trapped inside her own mind.

Her head just went round and round in circles trying to understand exactly what Rachel's words meant. She knew Rachel wasn't telling her the whole story, the girl had said that much herself but even knowing this much Quinn felt grateful. But that didn't take away from the pain she felt for Rachel.

She'd been alone, for three years. In this house. Completely alone. And then when she went to school she had no one. And on top of that she had everyone insulting her and throwing slushies at her.

Quinn's heart ached, it literally ached. There was a noticeable pain in her chest. It actually felt like someone had just stabbed her in the chest. She didn't know that pain like this actually existence. True, heart rending, feel-like-your-going-throw-up pain. She had never experienced pain like this, not even when she was thrown out of her own house.

Quinn guessed this is was true love was like. When their pain is your pain, tenfold. When their happiness is like a breath of pure ecstasy thrumming vibrantly through your veins, infecting every nerve in your body.

Quinn realised now that she was completely and utterly screwed.

Because here was Rachel, crying for herself, crying for her loneliness and her pain and Quinn felt like she could die any minute.

Quinn thought back to the last day of school, how Rachel seemed for far away, so fed up...so grey. That hollow look in the girls eyes that when unnoticed by everyone bar Quinn.

Quinn connected the dots and realised that even though school was probably painful for Rachel as least there were people there, at least there were people she could talk to, people in glee club that she could almost call friends.

But in the summer, she was here. Alone.

That must be why on the last day she looked so down. She was dreading the next three months of utter isolation. While most students looked forwards to the summer, to the nights spent with their friends, lazy days spent watching tv with their parents flittering around doing whatever parents do.

Rachel had none of that. For the past three summers.

Quinn remember what she had said at the end of the day.

 _Have a nice time alone this summer._

She wanted to punch herself in the face. If it was possible she would have. Maybe she could go to Santana's house and pay the girl to beat her up.

But she knew that wouldn't make Rachel feel any better so she discarded the thought instantly. But she knew something that might make Rachel feel better and even if it didn't Quinn felt like she had to try.

First she had an apology to make.

Quinn stood up from her place next to Rachel and instead she knelt down in from of the girl, looking up into those eyes, those deep brown eyes that currently swam with tears. She took both of Rachel's hand in her, getting the girl to focus on her.

"Rachel, I'm so, so sorry." She began, feel an whirlwind of emotion stir inside her, emotion that she had keep bottled up for almost two years.

Rachel was about to speak, probably to brush Quinn's apology off, probably to say that it wasn't her fault that her fathers weren't here.

"I'm not talking about that." Quinn cut her off.

"I'm talking about yesterday, about what I said. If I had known Rachel, then I never- I wouldn't have-"

Quinn took a deep breath. She had to get this out. She had to apologise. And Quinn thought that if she was apologising for yesterday she may as well go all out.

"And not just for yesterday Rachel. For everything. For every insult and comment and laugh and- fuck- and every fucking slushy." Quinn said and she had to force back the tears that had threatened to spill out.

Quinn gripped onto Rachel's hands so tightly that it could have been painful. She hoped that Rachel could forgive her, somehow. She knew that she wouldn't forgive herself but Rachel, Rachel was a better person, the best person, ever. At least in Quinn's eyes. If anyone could forgive her it would be Rachel.

"I know it doesn't make up for anything but I am sorry." She knew it wasn't enough. Rachel may believe the best in everyone, she may take words at face value but Quinn believed in actions. Words were hollow and empty, anyone could say the right words but not everyone actually mean't them.

"I will make it up to you if you give me the chance." Quinn tried to force all of her determination but her voice still ended up small and fearful. What if Rachel didn't want her around? What if Rachel truly couldn't forgive her?

"Yesterday, I didn't mean to say what I said Rachel. I want to ask you if we could hang out sometime this summer, I wanted to ask if you'd give me the chance to apologise. I want to accept your friendship." At the confession Rachel looked shock, stunned even, and Quinn couldn't deny that it hurt at little but Quinn knew she deserved it.

"I don't know why I said what I said. I just- I got scared. Scared of...how people would see me. It's just that school, its hell, it brings out the worst in everyone." Quinn admitted. She had never admitted something like that to anyone, that how people see her terrified her. That she needed people to fear the HBIC, that people needed to respect and look up to head cheerleader Quinn Fabray. She needed to be that person inside that school.

But this was Rachel. The girl she loved, was in love with. And Rachel had been honest with her so Quinn thought that Rachel deserved that honesty returned. No matter how much it terrified her. No matter how scary it was that someone knew her deepest insecurity. That Quinn Fabray cared what people thought of her.

"Please, please, give me a chance."

Even as she was on her knees something inside Quinn rebelled. Something within her told her that she shouldn't be the one begging for friendship, that Rachel should be the one who should want to be friends with her. But she squashed that feeling down with everything she had.

She stared up into Rachel's doe eyes, feeling fear of rejection. She had never feared rejection like this.

A expression of pure nothingness passed over Rachel's face and Quinn felt her panic spike. A moment passed where Quinn thought that she wouldn't be able to breath even if she tried.

Then a smile broke out on Rachel's face. Not her Rachel berry show smile. Not her better than you smile. It was soft and sincere, just a gentle curve of her lips and it sent Quinn's heart racing. She engraved that image into her mind permanently.

"I'd love to be friends Quinn."

Quinn's smile could have split her face in half. She didn't think she'd ever smiled like this. But then again no moment had ever made her happier than this one. The moment she and Rachel Berry became friends. And even though it wasn't exactly what she wanted it was one step closer. They had gone from moral enemies to tentative friends, and that was more than Quinn could have ever hoped for.

It gave her hope, hope that someday she could be something more to Rachel.

And it also scared her, that was normal for Quinn but this was a new level of scared. She had so much more to lose compared to Rachel. If this didn't work out she had lost Rachel, the love of her life. She have everything to lose but so, so much to gain.

"Since we're friends now, would you like to spend the day here? We can watch some movies or something." Rachel asked.

Quinn could see the insecurity in the girls eyes, as if she didn't know if she could ask that question, as if she didn't know if she wouldn't just be laughed at, as if there was still a chance this was all one big joke.

And it hurt. But, again, Quinn knew she deserved it, she deserved Rachel's hesitance. She knew that Rachel wouldn't fully trust her, not right away. She may forgive her but that doesn't mean they were instantly best friends. Quinn knew this would take time but that didn't mean it hurt any less when she got that look. That look that said i'm just waiting for you to spit in my face.

"Sure i'd love to hang out Rachel." Quinn said and the smile that lit up the girls face was worth the pain her previous look had caused.

Rachel got up and walked over to some cabinets, opening when up to reveal row after row of DVDs.

"What would you like to watch? I'm sure you'll be able to find something in my collection." Rachel said, looking proudly over the selection of DVDs that Quinn was sure were organised in some way.

Quinn made her way over to when Rachel was and knelt down beside her, pretending to look over the DVDs when she knew exactly what she wanted to watch.

"If you're looking for something specific they're alphabetized." Rachel offered after Quinn had spent a moment looking over the selection.

"Of course they are." Quinn said with a small laugh, hoping that Rachel knew she was only teasing her.

"It's helpful Quinn. If you don't appreciate my organising skills i'm afraid this friendships wont work out." Rachel said back in a playful voice and Quinn mentally breathed a sigh of relief.

Quinn smiled as she ran her hand along the spines towards the letter F and stopped when she found the movie that she wanted. She slid the DVD out of its place and held it out for Rachel to take.

Rachel's smile, that sparkle of happiness in her eyes, as she took the Funny Girl case from Quinn was exactly what she had been going for. It caused Quinn's heart to beat faster in her chest, cause her blood to rush through her veins, caused each and everyone one of her nerve endings to come to life, crackling with excitement.

Quinn watched as Rachel placed the disc in the DVD player and then made her way to sit on the couch. Quinn made to follow but hesitated for a second not really knowing what to do.

She wanted to sit next to Rachel, but she thought that maybe that was pushing her luck slightly. She thought that Rachel might not be exactly comfortable with Quinn sitting right beside her and Quinn couldn't blame her, Rachel was probably still waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Quinn to pull a cup full of slushy from somewhere. Judging by the stiff way with Rachel was sitting, her back straight and feet firmly planted on the floor, Quinn thought it was best if she played it safe at that moment.

But Quinn didn't want to sit on the chair next to the couch, thinking that maybe Rachel would take that as a sight Quinn didn't want to be near her. Quinn didn't want to do anything that would cause Rachel insecurities, that Quinn was certain she would have, to rise to the surface and cause Rachel to do something like kick her out.

Quinn wanted to sigh. This was way too complicated and all she was doing was trying to decide where to sit. But then she realised if she wasn't such a coward then she wouldn't be in this position.

She decided to go halfway, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. She realised she had made the right decision when Rachel's body relaxed and she smiled slightly.

Quinn lifted her legs up on the couch and turned her body, leaning back against the arm rest. She took a moment to look at Rachel, watching the way the girl relax further and further as the seconds pasted and Quinn couldn't help that her smile grew. The girl had pulled a small foot stool from somewhere and was now leaning back into the cushions with her feet up.

Quinn realised that this was probably the most relaxed she had even seen the girl and Quinn would admit that coupled with the fact that she was obviously excited for the movie the girl look adorable. Rachel was never this relaxed, not in school where she was always just waiting for the next insult or slushy to fly her way. Not even in glee where it seemed she had to fight tooth and nail against everyone, including Shue, just to keep her place in the club. A club that she did everything for and was the only reason they had gotten anywhere. It really wasn't fair in Quinn's eyes.

Quinn had a feeling that Rachel hadn't even been truly relaxed in her own home, after all time alone is only relaxing when you're actually taking a break from other people. When you're on your own all the time its just depressing.

"Have you seen this movie Quinn?" Rachel said, breaking Quinn out of her thoughts.

"No." Quinn lied. She couldn't exactly say that yes, she had watch it, purely because she knew it was Rachel's favourite musical. Anyway that created a perfect opportunity for Quinn, she didn't have to pay attention to the movie and she could allow herself to get...distracted while still making it seem like she had been paying attention should Rachel ask her anything after the movie.

"Well then Quinn, you are in for a treat. Barbara is positively fantastic." Rachel said and Quinn could easily hear the excitement in the girls voice.

Really it was perfect. Rachel would be happy, watching her favourite movie and Quinn would be happy, watching her favourite person.

And Quinn did exactly that. For the first five, maybe ten minutes she paid half hearted attention to movie before she decide there was use fighting it. Her gaze drifted over to Rachel, her head rested on her drawn up knees. Thankfully Rachel was to enraptured by the movie that she didn't even notice Quinn's unabashed stares.

Quinn relished in this chance. The chance to just look at the girl she loved. Vaguely, somewhere in the back of her mind, she realised she was being slightly creepy, but she couldn't really care at that moment. She had denied herself something as basic as just looking at Rachel for three whole years and now she was just making up for lost time.

She watched the way Rachel's eyes seemed to light up every time something happened in the movie, the way her lips moved subtly, mouthing the words along with the movie. She watched the girl laugh as something funny happened, a sound that was music to Quinn's ears. She watch the way the girls head tilted back slightly and her chest rumbled with laughter.

Quinn thought that she could have died in that moment and she would be totally fine with it.

Half way through the movie Quinn heard a light beep. Thinking it was her phone for a second her eyes were dragged away from the Rachel while she reached into her pocket to grab it.

When she lifted the phone to her face she realised that she hadn't gotten a text. She looked back up to Rachel who had apparently been thinking the same thing as she was staring at Quinn expectantly.

"It wasn't me." Quinn said.

For a second Rachel looked confused, obviously frustrated at not knowing the source of the noise. For a moment she just thought, an concentrated look on her face with just a hint of that frustration. Quinn couldn't help but think she looked adorable, again.

"Oh!" Realisation passed over Rachel's face and she sprung up out of her place on the couch, making her way across the room and picking up her phone from one of the sideboards.

"I got a text." She said, soundly utterly confused over the whole concept. Quinn realised that Rachel probably didn't get too many texts and she felt a pang of guilt.

"Who's it from." Quinn asked, mostly trying to distracted herself from the churning of her own stomach.

"Santana." The way Rachel said it made Quinn think even she didn't believe it.

"Santana Lopez?" Quinn asked.

"Surprisingly, yes. I'd say it was more likely that some Santana I don't even know texted me than Santana Lopez."

"Probably." Quinn muttered. Inside she was praying for it not to be a string of insults from the fiery latina. If it was she knew she would have to defend Rachel and put Santana in her place, after all how could she not when just this morning she was begging for the chance to make it up to her. If she was being honest it was just a situation she wanted to avoid entirely.

Santana and her had been friends for a long time and if she thought something was up, started looking for specific things, Quinn was sure she would be found out. And that just wasn't something she wanted. Not right now.

"What's it say?" Quinn asked, deciding that she probably shouldn't just look over Rachel's shoulder at the text.

"Berry, I heard what happened with Finnocence and I gotta say i'm glad you finally grew a pair. I hate to admit it but you've earn some respect berry, be grateful. Anyways you and Frankenteen was creepy, he's way to tall and you're small, it was just weird. You deserved better than him away." Rachel said, relaying the text to Quinn and once she was done she just stared down at her phone in disbelief for a moment before a smile over took her face. Quinn couldn't help her own smile at the sight of Rachel so happy.

"Our Santana said that?" Quinn asked with a small chuckle.

"I know. Maybe someone stole her phone?" Rachel said and Quinn hated that a small part of Rachel probably actually thought it was true.

But then her phone beeped again.

"And if you tell anyone about that last message, i'll cut you...oops." Rachel said looking up at Quinn.

Quinn only laughed, knowing that Santana's threat wasn't serious. At least she didn't think it was, and if it was she would have to deal with her anyway.

"There's the Santana we know and...hate. At least we know it's actually her now." Rachel's smile returned at Quinn's words and Quinn wanted to pat herself on the back for a job well done.

Rachel put her phone away and grabbed the tv remote, playing the movie. Quinn resumed her act of just watching Rachel but her thought fluttered back to the text that Santana had sent.

She couldn't believe that Santana had said Rachel deserved more. Not that she thought it wasn't true, because it was. She just couldn't believe Santana had admitted it, to Rachel's face too. Well not exactly to her face but still, too her.

She knew from years of being best friends with the latina that Santana could be kind, in her own way, usually behind the scenes were no one could see here. But for her to be kind to Rachel, it made Quinn wonder if something was wrong with her.

Santana sat on the couch in her living room, watching a couple drops of rain lazily make their way down the window, tracing the trail of water they left behind before their inevitably hit the windowsill and pooled there.

 _Its going to rain_ Was the only thought that pass through her mind.

She was happy about that. She loved the rain, loved the way the trees swayed in harsh wind, the sound of branches rustling loudly accompanied by the sound of rain pounding down on the earth. She loved lightning and thunder and could only hope that there was some later.

All in all she loved the chaos of nature. She loved the way it could be sunny and bright one moment then a relentlessly storm the next. She loved the way it raged on and on without a care for anyone.

It reminded her of herself, in a way.

She was calm on the surface but there was always a storm raging just beneath her skin.

Right now the storm felt like a thousand tornadoes running rampant throughout her mind, destroying every coherent thought in their wake until her mind was just a blanket, a wasteland of nothing.

Another reason she loved storms was because how loud they were, how they covered the sky, engulfing it whole. It consumed everything for the time while it raged on and Santana couldn't help but feel small underneath grey, stormy skies that crackled brilliantly with vivid streaks of lightning.

She liked feeling small, because when she felt small her worries felt small. When she was faced with an enormous slap of thunder how could she worry about the whispers of a few ignorant people? When she saw a fork of lightning strike defiantly from the sky, seemingly straight at her, how could she worry about the looks she would get from random people she would never care about?

When faced with a the wrath of nature she felt like her problems where stupid but as soon as the storm around her calmed the storm inside her kicked up again.

She forced her eyes away from the window and down to her phone which was still in her hand. She re-read the text she had just sent Rachel Berry and wondered what possessed her to send it in the first place.

She chalked it up to boredom but if she was being more honest with herself she would realise that she was just lonely.

Usually when she was this _bored_ she would just go see Brittany. But she couldn't do that now, literally. Britt had decided to go on a holiday with the transformer and his family and they left tomorrow.

Santana felt annoyed about that. Not jealousy, annoyance. And that caused her to pause. She knew she shouldn't feel jealous because...well, Wheels was Britt's boyfriend, obviously they were going to spend time together. But Santana was known for her jealously over what she considered hers.

Maybe she didn't consider Britt to be her. Not anymore, not with how much she messed up. She just couldn't see it working with the girl. But maybe Santana didn't really want Brittany. Maybe it wasn't the thought of not having Brittany and maybe it just the thought of having no one that hurt.

Santana hated the way her stomach churned with loneliness. She hated the way she just wanted someone, she hated the panic that she felt and the worry and she just hated feeling. She hated feeling so much.

She realised now why she had clung to Brittany so desperately. Because she trusted Brittany, not because of all the time they had been friends but simply because of the way she looked at the world.

Brittany didn't see the world like most people. When she looked at a person, that was all she saw, that person. She didn't think about what being around that person mean't, what other people would think. Santana had trusted Brittany to be a person that wouldn't judge her, trusted her to be the only person to see past the fact that she was attracted to girls and just see her.

 _Rachel wouldn't judge me._

The thought was in her head before she could stop it and no matter how much she hated the fact that she even thought it and the feeling that flared to life because of it, she couldn't deny how true it was.

Rachel Berry was an amazingly good person. Even Santana could admit that, at least, in her own head she could. Rachel was too nice for her own good, blindly seeing the best in everyone where as Santana had always looked for the worst.

She knew, with absolute certainty, that Rachel Berry wouldn't care about her sexuality. After all the girl had two gay dads that she loved more than anything.

Maybe, if she hadn't been such a bitch to the girl, she could have found a good friend in the Diva. Santana would be the last to admit it but even so she knew that the girl had mellowed out slightly over time. She was still enough to be Rachel Berry but just, less annoying. The girl still fought for solo's but not like her life depended on it, even though Santana knew she deserved them really. If there was one thing Santana couldn't deny it would that the girl could sing, better than anyone in glee, better than anyone the latina had ever heard.

A loud clap of thunder brought her out of her thoughts and she was uncomfortably aware that she had just spent a long amount of time, too long, thinking about Rachel Berry. And now that she had been brought out of her thoughts she could feel the way her heart stung with want, loneliness, pain, hurt, everything she didn't want to feel.

She didn't want to feel any of this. She didn't want to feel the need to go see Rachel Berry of all people. She knew that it was just because she was lonely, that she would take anyone right now but she couldn't help think that Rachel Berry would be a pretty damn good friend to have right now.

She just didn't wanted to feel this right now, maybe not ever.

Her first thought was to go see Puck. But she instantly shook it away. She didn't want him seeing her when she felt this vulnerable.

So she did the next best thing.

Making her way thought to the dinning room, she started rummaging around the liquor cabinet that rest against the far wall. She pulled out a half full bottle of Jack Daniels and made her way back to her spot of the couch. She wrapped herself into a blanket and took a large swing of the drink.

She let out a content sigh as she felt the alcohol burn a trail down her though and warm her stomach. She leant back against the arm of her couch, already feeling the effect of her drink, its warmth spreading through her while also numbing her, getting rid of the things that she desperately didn't want to feel.

She sat and stared out of the window, bottle in had, taking drinks from it every now and again. She watched the way the water beat against the window, blurring the images behind it. She watched the ways the trees swayed through the massive window in her front room, although not as violently as she wished. She listened with rapt attention as a clap of thunder practically shook the house.

She listened and watch and everything else just faded into nothing. Her loneliness and pain, her strange want for Berry's company, everything. Until she just sat there, staring blankly out of the window.

Moments seemed to stretch and blend into one, melding into infinity until everything seemed like one continuous moment. She could have been sat there for mere minutes, or it could have been days but Santana didn't really care.

Eventually everything faded into blackness and she was only awoken by the quiet chirp of her phone.

She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She looked around for a moment, realising that she was still in her living room and that she must have fell asleep. She noticed the bottle on the floor with just a slither of liquid resting at the bottle which she quickly picked up and downed.

She stood up on shaky legs and stumbled her way over to get her phone and then stumbled back and flopping down on the couch.

She opened the text from her dad.

 **Papí:**

 **Sorry about this mija but I've got to stay late at the hospital again. You can stay at home or maybe go to a friends if you want. Don't do anything stupid ;)**

Santana just smirked slightly at that last part. Technically she had already done something slightly stupid but she didn't think that counted since it occurred before the warning.

She was about to throw the phone to the side when it beep again in her hands.

 **Quinn:**

 **San, I kinda need a favour. Come meet me at Rachel's house, I'll explain when you get here.**

It was a mixed of curiosity, leftover loneliness from earlier and even more curiosity that got her to decided to go see what Quinn wanted.

Santana practically leapt from her place on the couch, grabbed her house keys and a jacket, shrugging it on. She opened the door and made her way outside, turning around to lock it which took a bit of effort considering her slightly drunk state.

She eyed her car for a moment before deciding it was best if she didn't and started walking, one hand buried in the pocket of her leather jacket, the other holding her phone to her face.

 **To Quinn:**

 **On my way, be there in 15.**

Santana shoved her phone in her pocket and picked up the pace slightly, pulling her jacket tighter around her body. After just a few steps her phone buzzed again and with a sigh she brought it to her eyes.

 **Quinn:**

 **15minutes? It's like a five minute drive from your house.**

Santana just sighed. Carefully pressing the keys she wanted she typed her message out to Quinn.

 **To Quinn:**

 **I'm walking. I'm kinda...wasted.**

The reply was instant.

 **Quinn:**

 **Maybe you shouldn't come over. I don't want to saying anything to Rachel.**

Santana scowled at her phone. She took that to mean that Quinn thought she was going to fling some insults at Berry as soon as she got in sight of her. When did Quinn start caring about what was said to the Diva anyway?

 **To Quinn:**

 **I'm only a little drunk. Anyway you know I get like all nice n shit when I drink. I hate it, it's disgusting.**

She shivered at the thought of some of the videos she had seen of herself when she was drunk. When she drunk she tended to get a bit...affectionate and said some stuff that she really didn't want anyone to hear. She can usually pass it off as just being drunk but a few people, namely Quinn and Brittany, knew that it wasn't that.

 **Quinn:**

 **When you say nice you meant truthful.**

Santana knew that Quinn wouldn't be able to resist calling her on it.

"Bitch." She half muttered, half slurred angrily down at her phone.

 **To Quinn:**

 **Shut up. I'll be there in ten.**

And to her surprise Quinn did. She didn't get another message and so she relaxed slightly, enjoying her walk. Every now and again she stumbled and one time she had actually fallen into someone's hedge but no one would ever know so Santana didn't care much.

Eventually Rachel's house came into view and Santana stumbled drunkly forward towards the house. She got to the door and she stared at it for a moment, trying to remember what you were suppose to do at one of these things.

After a moment she remembered and banged on it a few times, a bit too loudly.

She could hear shuffling and the door opened to reveal a annoyed looking Quinn.

And it was like a damn had burst inside Santana and she couldn't control her own words.

"Q!" She said happily, moving forward to capture the girl in a tight hug, resting her head in the crook of Quinn's neck.

"I thought you said you were only a little drunk." Quinn said exasperatedly, but returning the girls hug none the less. She knew that if she didn't Santana would probably just accuse her of not liking her and start crying.

"I lied!" She said, pulling pack and smiling at the girl.

Quinn just sighed and shook her head.

Suddenly Santana's face grew serious and Quinn met the girls eyes, staying silent and waiting for whatever Santana had to say.

She remembered something that she had thought about earlier, and realising she didn't think about Quinn in that moment. She and Quinn may not always be so buddy-buddy but they had each others backs when it really matter. Santana needed to know if the girl would have her back when it matter the most.

"You don't hate me because i'm gay do you Q?" Santana said and she could see the surprising on Quinn's face.

"No. San, no of course not." Quinn said, genuine care and concern shimmering in her eyes, and Santana felt relief flood through her body. She quickly pulled the girl in front of her into a bone crushing hug.

"Thanks Q, Because...because we've been friends for a long time and- and I dunno what i'd do with out you." She said, her voice quivering with emotion as she held back the tears that threatened to spill over.

She felt Quinn's hand rubbing her back in a comforting manner and she took a few moment to soak up the hug. She took a deep breath to compose herself, feeling the chill from outside shoot through her lungs and helping her to control her emotions.

When she raised her head she caught sight of a curious Rachel Berry. She shoved gently past Quinn.

"Berry." She said, making her way up to the girl who seemed to flinch slightly under her gaze even thought Santana held no ill emotion towards the girl. Not in that moment anyway.

Santana stood for a moment in front of an uncomfortable Rachel and stared down at the girl, an unidentifiable look in her eyes. A tense moment pass when nothing happened and then Santana started to feeling slightly embarrassed at the words she knew she wouldn't be able to keep herself from saying.

Santana's eyes dropped to the floor, darting to Quinn who just raised an eyebrow, Santana not noticing the phone in the her hand and the amused smile on her lips at that moment. She met the smaller girls eyes.

"You don't, y'know...hate me because I'm gay do you Rachel?" Santana said and Rachel seemed to soften at the girls insecure tone of voice.

She just flash a soft smile.

"Of course not Santana." Rachel said and Santana felt the same relief flood though her body.

She launched herself at the other girl, rapping her arms loosely around the girls neck. She heard Quinn giggle slightly behind her but she didn't pay attention in her drunken state. The girl against her was stiff for a moment before she melted into the hug and her arms snaked around the latina's waist, sighing as she rested her head on the girls shoulder.

"I knew it." Santana breathed with a smile as she pulled away from the girl but kept her arms on the girls shoulder, holding her at arms length.

"Your way to nice for your own good Berry. I wish I wasn't always such a bitch to you. I'm...sorry, I guess." Her words trailed off, getting quieter and quieter as she felt more and more nervous, thinking that Rachel might just throw this odd show of kindness back in her face. Most people would have.

For a moment Rachel seemed entirely shell shocked, just staring up at Santana with a blank expression on her face. The moment seemed to last so long that Santana was worried that she broken the girl.

"Thank you Santana. I forgive you." Rachel said with a small smile. She met the girls eyes and felt herself being drawn in by deep brown eyes that shone with a unbelievable amount of care and just a hint of amusement. She felt like her breath had been sucked forcefully from her lungs but she ignored the burning in her chest and pulled the girl into another hug.

The embrace last a few seconds before Santana felt the need to pull away.

She spun around, quiet suddenly and she spotted the couch. Suddenly she seemed to realise just how tired she was and she moved forward and practically jumped down into the comfort and warmth it held.

She barely recognised the faces of Quinn and Rachel but she gave them a grin anyway as her vision faded to black, tiredness overcoming her.

* * *

 _Sorry 'bout any mistakes, I'll probably check it again in the morning, but what can i say, i'm lazy. Something you've probably figured out after the random three month gap in updates. Sorry again 'bout that, can't make any promises it wont happen again tho._


	4. Santana

_Merry Christmas :)_

* * *

 _Alone In This House_

 _Chapter Four: Santana_

"Y'know, I think that the first time I've ever heard her apologise and seem like she actually meant it." Quinn said, astonished, as she stared down at a slumbering Santana.

Rachel shook her head, as if she couldn't believe that had all just happened.

"Well, she was drunk wasn't she? I'm sure she didn't mean it, thought it was nice to have the...illusion, of an apology." Rachel said, though Quinn saw that she was purposely trying to keep the disappointment from poisoning her tone.

"She'll kill me when she finds out i've told you this but, i'll let you in on a little secret about Santana." Quinn said and Rachel looked an appropriate mixture of intrigued and cautious.

"When she's drunk...she tends to tell the truth. She likes to pass it off as just being drunk but everything that comes out of her mouths after she's had a few drinks is how she truly feels." Quinn said, looking down at the girl on the couch as if she might be able to sense she was telling someone her secret and pounce on her any second now.

"Really?"

"Yup. She doesn't like anyone knowing because she thinks it'll ruin her badass image." Quinn couldn't stop the small chuckle that escaped her lips. "So she'll tell you that she was just drunk but don't believe her."

Rachel's brow furrowed, dipping in thought. Then she turned to Quinn with a grin that could be considered evil.

"So a year ago when we were at a party and she told me she thought I was hot and that she would 'totally do me', that was all true?" Rachel said, barely being able to hold back the laugh that seemed to burst from her.

Quinn nodded, squashing down the slight feeling of jealousy with minimal effort, surprisingly.

Rachel just burst into a laugh and Quinn couldn't help but giggle along with her. It felt nice, laughing like this with Rachel, like they were friends, like all the shit that had happened between them, all the stuff Quinn had done to her didn't matter.

"I don't mean to be rude but what exactly is she doing here? I'm guessing you didn't invited her here so she could pass out on my couch." Rachel said after her laugh had died down.

"Since I have to go I invited her so you two could hang out tomorrow." Quinn said glance over at Rachel before looking back at Santana. She knew this would take a bit of convincing of both sides but she didn't really want Rachel to be alone right now.

When Quinn turned her attention over to Rachel she almost flinched at the expression of bubbling annoyance and slight anger that was on Rachel's face.

"While I appreciate the concern Quinn, I can take care of myself for one afternoon. Despite the fact that I've given you reason to believe that i'm slightly mentally unstable i'm not an invalid. I don't need looking after." Rachel seemed to get more and more worked up with each work that escaped from her mouth

"Rachel-"

"No, Quinn. I don't know what you thought. I've been on my own for three years and you cant just swoop in all of a sudden and fix everything. You can't just shove person after person at me and expect it to be a permanent solution. Who would you have sent next? Brittany, or maybe Puck? Eventually you would have run out of people Quinn." Rachel's voice sounds pained and angry, every word hitting Quinn like a slap to the face. The way Rachel spits out her name bites into her skin like a rabid dog, teeth painfully sinking into her flesh.

"Rach, I wasn't-" But she cut herself off, realising that she sort of was. She figured if that she could get someone to hang out with Rachel, the girl wouldn't be swallowed by her grief.

She lowered her eyes, not being able to meet Rachel's gaze.

"I get that you feel guilty or whatever Quinn and that's making you feel like you have to spend time with me but you don't okay?" Rachel's voice had quickly gone from seething anger to bitterness.

Quinn's eyes snapped up to meet Rachel's and she was surprised to find that the girl was almost in tears, a thin sheen of wetness causing her eyes to glisten in the dim light of the Berry's living room. The sight pulled forcefully on her heartstrings, straining them until someone could play a beautifully bitter-sweet melody on them.

It's was like a light suddenly turned on, illuminating Rachel's true fear with brilliant clarity.

She instantly took a step forward, wanting to be close enough to touch, to comfort but Rachel instantly took a step backwards in response.

"Rach, no, god no. It not like that at all." Quinn said, finding herself begging for the second time in two days and not giving the slightest damn. She just needed Rachel to understand, understand that Quinn wasn't just trying to push her off onto other people.

"I don't want to spend time with because I feel bad for you or guilty...well, I do feel guilty but thats not why i'm here. I just...i just want to spend time with you." Quinn said and she tried to push all her emotions into those last words, hoping that Rachel will be able to hear the truth in her voice.

Rachel just looked skeptical for a moment, her arms cross tightly over her chest as if it would defend her from whatever blow she was expecting. Her eyes darted over to Santana for a moment and Quinn could see the unasked question.

"I just asked Santana to come here because...i just thought you might want company, I dunno, I just didn't want to come back to find you like you were yesterday." Quinn's voice dripped with the dread she felt every time she fought about the night before. Images of Rachel crying, broken bitter sobs filling the room flash behind her eyelids and made Quinn's skin crawl with angst.

"Rachel, I- I don't know what to do to show you that i'm being genuine." Quinn's voice had lost all its fight now, her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her tone was laced with the desperation that she was currently drowning in.

Frustration started to rising in place of her sadness and Quinn felt her HBIC façade fall seamlessly back into place. She didn't mean to do it, it was just what Quinn Fabray did, when she was cornered, when she wouldn't- couldn't show her true emotions she retreated behind the mask of Quinn Fabray, Head Cheerleader, Head Bitch In Charge, Ice Quinn, the girl everybody feared.

"God Rachel, you just want to start drama don't you? You beg for attention like some lonely, wounded puppy but when I give it to you, you just get pissed off at me. You should be grateful that I would even think about hanging out with a loser like you."

As soon as she said the words she instantly regretted them. They tasted sour on her tongue, just like always and she wished that she wasn't like this. The looked Rachel gave her practically cut her heart in two.

Silence enveloped the room, suffocating Quinn with her own anguish, her words ringing out into the emptiness. It was like she could hear every second tick past, slowly, until finally Rachel spoke.

"I think...you should go Quinn." Rachel's words were deflated, without a single hint of the usually Rachel Berry fight.

"What? Rach- I'm sorry, I didnt mean-" Quinn's heart stilled in her chest.

"I know you didn't Quinn. I know you don't mean the things you say but that doesn't make it okay, not if were going to be friends." Rachel said, meeting Quinn eyes and it was all Quinn could go to not collapse under that gaze. Those eyes that were so lonely but so guarded and cautious.

She want so much to just show Rachel just how much she cared for her, to just grab the girl and kiss her and love her until she trusted Quinn. But she couldn't. She was scared of the rejection that would probably follow. Even thought she knew Rachel would probably let her down easy, comforting words and careful smiles, but she still couldn't even bare the thought of it.

"I still think you should go Quinn. Our friendship is new and therefore fights like these are inevitable. So I think we should take some time to cool down." Rachel said, nodding to herself as if to encourage that it was the right decision.

Quinn thought it over for a few moments. In all honest she fully planned on come straight back over tomorrow after she had been to morning service but she realised it probably wouldn't be a good idea. This was going to take time, Quinn knew that from the start but she just hoped that if she spent as much time as possible with Rachel it would speed it up slightly. She realise she couldn't just force herself into Rachel's life and that would be exactly what she would be doing if she didn't listen now.

"Okay..." The one word was small when it came from Quinn's mouth. "Call me in a few days?" She asked looking up to Rachel with hopeful eyes.

Rachel nodded slowly. "I'll call you." She clarified, making obvious that she would when she was ready and Quinn just nodded in response.

Her eyes flickered back over to Santana and she let out a sigh.

"I guess I'd better take her home." Quinn said, not at all looking forward to lugging the stupidly drunk girl out to her car.

"No. I'll take her home tomorrow when she wakes up." Rachel said with a tone that Quinn knew not to argue with.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Quinn. It'll be much easier to get her home in the morning when she's sober and i'm sure you have to get home to you mom."

Rachel was right on that. Her mom had been blowing up her phone all day and apparently the text Quinn sent saying she was with a friend hadn't been enough. Questions like are you going to church tomorrow all the way to have you been kidnapped were sent.

She pulled her phone out and send her mom a text telling her that she was coming home now.

"Well...I guess I'm going then." Quinn said, looking over to the clock that read just past ten at night.

"Bye Rachel." Quinn said once she had reached the door and turned around to find Rachel stood in the doorway.

"Goodbye Quinn, I'll call you in a few days and we'll do something." Rachel said as she surprised Quinn by stepping in and wrapping her arms snugly around her waist. Quinn responded instantly, wrapping her arms around the girls shoulders.

"Rach? You okay?" Quinn asked quietly, practically a whisper, right into Rachel's ear, when the hug lasted a second more than what was normal for a goodbye hug.

"I'm fine Quinn." She said, thought she didn't let go and seemed to bury herself further into the embrace. Quinn let the silence of the night wash over them for a moment, knowing that Rachel had more to say.

"I'm just...Thank you for spending time with me Quinn. With the exception of our little fight just now, I've really enjoyed your company." Rachel pulled back but still held Quinn closely, looking up with deep brown eyes that just seemed to peer into Quinn's soul. In that moment she felt like Rachel could see her, could see how her heart beat Rachel's name, how thoughts of her were engraved on every inch of Quinn's soul, how Quinn's body yearned from Rachel's touch.

"I'm happy you were here." Rachel said and her words literally made Quinn's heart soar with happiness, it beating wilding in her chest.

For a moment they just stood and just were, soaking up the meaning of Rachel's words, what it meant for them, to them. For the first time in three years Quinn felt a night spark of hope.

Rachel's head cocked to the side after a long moment.

"You called me Rach." She said.

Quinn's eyes fell away from Rachel's

"Sorry." She said.

She felt slender fingers graze across her jaw down to her chin were they stilled. Rachel lifted her chin, forcing Quinn to meet her eyes.

"I didn't mean it like that." She said softly, as a smile just as soft gracing her lips.

Quinn just reflected her smile, a nod following it.

Rachel slipped out of Quinn's arms and instantly Quinn missed the warmth of the other girl.

"Goodnight Quinn."

"'Night."

The door closed softly in front of her and she let out a sigh. She turned and made her way down the drive to her car. She got in and slammed the door behind herself, gripping the steering wheel with a little more force that natural.

She felt the urge to bang her head on the steering wheel but pushed the it away just in case she accidentally caught the horn with her forehead.

She looked over her shoulder into the back seat and caught sight of her cheerios duffel bag, still full with pictures of Rachel and her fathers. She decide that she would hold onto them for now.

She put the key in the ignition and twisted it, listening to the car sputter to life. She pulled out of the driveway and with one last reluctant look at Rachel's house she sped away in the direction of her own.

Quinn reached her house fairly quickly. She got out of the car, taking the duffel bag with her and putting it in the trunk where it was less like that her mom could find it. Not that her mom usually goes rummaging around in her car but...just in case. She walked up the pathway to the place she called home, though it hadn't felt like one in a long time. She made her way up the few steps and stopped at the front door. She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and them pushed her way into the house.

Once she was inside her eyes instantly swept the rooms. Knick knacks lay on the side tables around the large living room and in the entry way. The house was big an spacious, too big, too spacious, especially now that it was just her and her mom. Everything looking perfect, from the finely polished wooden floors, to the pristinely fluffed pillows that lay neatly on the couch. The stained oak furniture gave the place a sense of class but combine that with the vases and china cabinet and everything just looked pretentious.

Her eyes landed on the stairs and she only hesitated for a second before moving to go up them, attempting to make her escape before she was even caught. But after only two steps she hear her name being called.

Well, almost her name.

"Quinnie!"

With a sigh she turned around and made her way back downstairs.

She found her mother in the kitchen but unlike two years again instead of nursing a glass of wine she was flicking her way through a magazine. Quinn couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah mom?"

"No need to look so antsy Quinn. I just want to chat, is that a crime now? A mother just wanting to talk with her daughter?"

"No mom." Quinn said, trying her best to sound annoyed, like a proper teenager should, as she slipped into her seat.

"Good." Judy said, a smile on her face.

Judy Fabray was by no stretch the best mother in the world, but she tries. She tries so much and Quinn couldn't help but be grateful. After not having her mother in her life for what possibly was and will always be the hardest nine months of her life she was just happy to have the woman back in her life.

"Now, where have you been today?" Judy asked, her voice hold none of the accusatory tone that usually accompanies that question. It wasn't a 'what trouble have you been getting up' to kind of question. It was just her mother being interested in her life.

"Just hanging out with a friend." Quinn said instantly realising how amazingly good but also heart clenching bad it was to refer to Rachel as a friend. It was a reminder of how far she had gotten but also of just how much further Quinn wanted things to go. Quinn wanted much more than just friendship and that word was just a remind that didn't have it.

"A friend?"

Quinn looked up into her mothers curious gaze and felt something stir inside her that felt close to panic. Her first instinct was to lie. But then she remember that all her old instincts had gotten were was a shit-load of nothing so she tried something that never used to do.

"Yeah, her names Rachel. Rachel Berry." Quinn clarified.

"Berry? The girl with the two fathers?" Judy asked and Quinn founded herself fearing the unidentifiable tone that her mother was using.

"Yes. Is that a problem for you mom?" Quinn asked, a challenging tone to her voice.

Judy seemed to think for a moment before just smiling and shaking her head.

"Of course not Quinnie." She said in a sweet voice.

"Good. Because I really like her." The words left Quinn's mouth before she could even think about and she just hoped that Judy didn't read to much into them

Judy's eyebrows furrowed for a moment a Quinn's heart stopped beating all together but the next second the expression vanished and a smile replaced it.

"That great, I'm glad you're finding friends that aren't Brittany or Santana."

Quinn prickled slightly at her mothers words, instantly jumping to the defence of her two best friends.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Quinn asked.

Judy seemed slightly taken back by Quinn's forceful tone of voice but recovered quickly.

"Nothing Quinn. You know I love those two as if they were my own daughters. Its just that you've had the same two friends since elementary school." Judy said in a very motherly tone.

Her expression soften and she look down at Quinn with loving eyes.

"I know how hard it is for you to open up to new people Quinn. I'm just glad you're giving this Rachel girl a chance."

 _Its more like she's giving me a chance._ Quinn thought rather bitterly.

"Okay?" Judy asked when Quinn didn't say anything.

"Yeah...yeah, sorry for getting all defensive." Quinn said.

Silence fell over the small kitchen and Judy returned her attention to her magazine.

"Can I go now?" Quinn asked to which she just received a nod in response.

She practically ran from the kitchen and darted up the stairs but again a voice stopped her before she could barely get anywhere.

"And Quinn, I'll be wanting to meet this girl sometime soon since you like her so much. Maybe you could invite her for dinner sometime." Judy's voice echoed Quinn's head, bounding violently off the wall of her conscious.

Something in her mom's voice made Quinn's skin itch uncomfortably but she pushed the feeling away, yelling back an okay before carrying on up the stairs.

She made her way up to her room and shut her door behind her. Her first thought was to text Rachel and after a small moment of hesitation she pulled her phone from her pocket.

 **To Rachel:**

 **You didn't say I couldn't text you. Hows Santana? still passed out i'm guessing. When she wakes up can you show her this video?**

Rachel closed the door behind Quinn and made her way back into the living room where Santana was sprawled unceremoniously on her couch, grasping onto a blanket beside her for warmth.

Rachel knelt down beside the couch, looking into the girls face. At this moment, right now, she looked so peaceful. Right now she wasn't Santana Lopez, big, bad, bitch of McKinley. Right now she was just as flawed and broken as everyone else, just trying to scrape by.

Before Rachel had ideas, now it was glaringly obvious. Santana Lopez was terrified of coming out. She's scared of how people will react, of the laughs and the stares and the whispers. Rachel thought that at one point Santana had been ready, that any day she would have seen her and Brittany walking down the hallway hand in hand, exchanging soft kisses at one another lockers, gazing unabashedly at each other.

Rachel herself didn't really see what the big deal was. But then again people had been laughing and staring her whole life. By now if she couldn't learn to deal with it then she probably would have gone off the deep end.

Rachel reached out an brush a few stray locks of hair from Santana's face, almost laughing to herself about how if the girl was conscious right now Rachel would have a face full of fist.

In that moment she thought that Santana look beautiful. Unaware of the world around her, content to just slumber away, drifting around in nothingness. She looked for peaceful, so real.

At McKinley high no one was real. Everyone put on a face, even Rachel. She put on the face of Rachel Berry, future broadway star, self-centred and slightly crazy when her place on the stage is threatened. But she had to be that person, otherwise she would get walked all over and wouldn't get anything she wanted. Santana had to be the scary badass, she had to scare people away before they could see her. And Quinn had to be the HBIC. The one everyone feared and looked up to. The one everyone thought was on top of the world, that she had it all, the popularity, the looks, the confidence, everything. When in reality she had nothing. Rachel could see that it didn't mean anything to her because whenever someone had just delivered a slushy to her face, or Quinn was walking down the hall, HBIC smirk firmly in place, Rachel could see, in her eyes, how hollow she was.

There was something Quinn wanted above everything she already had and Rachel had no idea what it was.

Rachel shook her head, realising that to ask the question what does Quinn Fabray want most in the world is like asking what is the meaning of life.

Maybe one day Rachel herself would ask her.

Rachel stood from her crouched position, grabbing the blanket and draping it over Santana, watching for a moment as the girl buried herself further into its comfort.

She walked away from Santana, leaving the girl to slumber away, hoping that she doesn't freak out when she wakes up. She when into the kitchen, making herself a snack, a bowl of fruit, before making her way upstairs.

She placed the bowl down on the her bedside table and stepped into her en suite bathroom. Once she had brushed her teeth, flossed, had a quick shower, washed her face and change into some comfortable sleepwear she stepped back into her room and practically dived into her bed. She lay there, relaxing into her bed and simply enjoying the warmth of being safely wrapping in her blankets.

That night she slept well. Usually her sleep is restless, ghosts of people who are no long here invading her mind and preventing her from sleep. Usually she would wake up panicked, as if she still had a chance, if she just moved quick enough, to stop them from leaving. But every morning the reality crashed into her that there was nothing they could do.

This morning was different and for one glaring reason.

She woke up to the side of a head of black hair cascading down tanned shoulders.

"Santana what are you doing in my bed?" She didn't really mean to say it, because if Santana was asleep she didn't really want to wake her up in hopes that she could avoid whatever undoubtedly awkward situation was about to fall. Well it was going to be awkward for her, that's for sure.

But unfortunately no god had listen to her wants and Santana flipped herself around so she was facing Rachel.

"Sup Berry." She said casually, that Santana smirk in place.

And god did it look sexy. Santana, with her infuriating smirk and her slightly messed up bed head was probably one of the best things to ever grace Rachel's eye sight. Her caramel skin that looked like it felt like velvet, red lips that just screamed kiss me, those eyes that seemed to see right pass every wall you put up. There was no denying that Santana was hot.

Rachel had always know she had been attracted to girls and if anyone asked she would tell them that. She wasn't ashamed of it but didn't exactly think it was anyones business either so she chose not to broadcast it. But while thats true she's always been fine just to watch from a distance. To her the female body was like art, something to be looked at and not touch, something beautiful and breath taking but something you could never have.

Well that rule applied until now. Maybe it was because she had never really been this close to a half naked girl, where the possibility of her just reaching out and stroking a hand through their hair, down their neck, down their collar bone, down to their chest, down, down, down, was very real. Or maybe it was just Santana.

But she restrained herself from doing any touching, even as her hands twitched at her sides, because she was sure that it would only end with a knife in her throat.

"What are you doing in my bed?" She repeated her question when it became obvious Santana wasn't going to answer.

"S'more comfy than the couched." She said lazily, stretching out her whole body with a yawn. The action sent Rachel's sexual frustration to an all time high.

Rachel rolled herself out of bed, figuring that staying there any long could be damaging to her mental and physical health.

"Why are you half naked?" Rachel asked forcing herself not to look back as she walked into the bathroom.

"God Berry, what's with the game of twenty questions. Its too early for that shit." Santana groaned from the other room.

"Sorry Santana but when I wake up with a half naked girl I'm usually curious about how she ended up there."

"Usually? This something that happens a lot Berry? Waking up with half naked girls? Didn't know you had it in you." Rachel could practically hear the smirk in her voice.

Rachel just chose not to reply to that. Instead she busied herself with brushing her teeth and washing her face. The act of routine calms her down, puts her into a familiar state of mind. Its a routine she does every morning, without fail and right now its the only constant in her life. It calms her, gives her something to cling to. Wake up, brush your teeth, wash your face, workout, chase your dreams.

"Anyway, you got lucky. Usually I'd sleep naked but I decided to spare you."

The voice broke her from her thoughts. Santana wasn't part of her routine, neither was Quinn now that she thought about it. But maybe she could make a new routine.

Rachel waked back into the room to see Santana, still clad in just her underwear, stand in the middle of the room looking like she had no idea what to do. When she saw Rachel she bit her lips and looked like she was contemplating something.

"Can I use your shower, I feel gross." She said after a minute. She looked totally out of her element, that nonchalance that was present in her very essence two minutes ago had vanished like smoke in the wind.

"Yeah, sure. It's just in there." Rachel said, pointing over her shoulder to the bathroom she just came out of.

"Thanks." Santana mumbled as she slipped passed the door slamming shut and the locks following a second after.

"Towels and hair products are all in there, use whatever." Rachel said through the door. There was no reply but she was sure Santana had heard her.

Rachel went downstairs and pottered her way into the kitchen. She went about making herself breakfast, vegan yoghurt with sliced up banana, and then sat herself down on the couch.

She didn't really know what to do. So she just sat there slowly making her way through her breakfast. Usually she would be practising a song, beating out heartfelt lyrics in her bedroom but she couldn't really just ignore Santana to do that. TV never really interested her and while she did have an affinity for film she didn't want to commit the two hours right now. After all Santana may just come downstairs and decided to leave, which was probably likely, then she could go practice.

So she just sat there for a few minutes, spooning mouthfuls of her breakfast in her mouth. Actually it tasted really freaking good. The rich, creamy yogurt was amazing and then combined with that burst of sweetness when you got a piece of banana. It was amazing. She almost want to moan when dropped the next spoonful into her mouth.

Then she noticed her phone on the table next to the couch, a flashing light telling her that she had gotten a new text. She felt a surge of happiness at that. Getting texts wasn't something she was used to and her annual text income, her ATI, seemed to be on the climb.

She knew it would be from Quinn. Quinn had really been there for her through her little episode in a way that Rachel never thought would be possible. She had always know there was something sweet and kind beneath Quinn's steely HBIC gaze and now that Rachel had seen it she wasn't sure what she'd do without it.

Her reaction to Santana this morning made her think about Quinn...in that way. Quinn was incredibly beautiful, it would take a blinding for someone not to realise that, but now that Rachel knew what a amazing person she was underneath it only made her that much more beautiful. Now she practically glowed with a beauty that was ethereal, divine, angelic. Beauty just rolled off the girl in waves and Rachel couldn't resist getting swept away.

But then Rachel shook her head, snapping herself out her thoughts. Quinn wouldn't want her like that. Santana wouldn't want her like that. So she just stop thinking about it. Quinn was barely a friend. Santana not even that.

Her friendship with Quinn was something that she would cherish. They had flipped from hating each other to friends so quickly it gave her whiplash but at the same time it was just an amazing feeling. Yesterday they had just spend all day lounging around and Rachel couldn't think of any better way to spend a day. After watching Funny Girl they had gone on Netflix and watch a sting of movies, one after the other, just randomly picking from the recommend section once on had finished. Most ended up being terrible and they spend most of the time no focusing on the movie and just joking about how terrible the acting was or how horrible the plot was.

She picked her phone up and unlocked it, opening up her texts. Just like she expect she had a text Quinn from Quinn. She felt a small tingle of guilt when she realised it was sent last night. She quickly opened the text and scanned over it. That first line already bringing a smile to her face.

She opened the video that was attached and saw that it was from last night. A video of Santana asking Rachel what she thought about her sexuality and then the hug she gave Rachel followed by her apology that seemed half genuine half like she couldn't give two shits.

"What's got you staring so hard Berry." Santana said before snatching the phone from Rachel's hand.

Rachel watch Santana's face as the video played. It went from confused, then it softened slightly, something akin to happiness shining in her eyes, then her expression hardened, like stone and the video finished.

Rachel expected shout and swearing. She expected threats and demands. But to her surprise Santana just threw her phone down on the couch and took a the seat furtherest anyway from Rachel.

Rachel gather another spoonful of her breakfast and dropped it in her mouth, the flavours exploding on her tongue all over again. She stayed silent for a minute figure that it'd give Santana a chance to say anything if she wanted to but after it became clear that she had nothing to say Rachel spoke up.

"Thank you for the apology yesterday Santana. I admit the delivery was a little lacklustre but I still appreciate it."

"Don't flatter yourself Berry. I was drunk, I didn't mean any of that." Santana said and Rachel could hear the anger rising up in her tone.

"Quinn's informed to not to believe you on that front Santana." Rachel said casually as she placed another spoonful in her mouth.

"Bitch." She heard Santana mutter and Rachel couldn't strife the little laugh that followed.

Santana and Rachel looked over at the same time and Rachel felt that now was a good time as any to say something heartfelt.

"It really mean't a lot to me Santana, what you said." Rachel said and she watched as Santana's expression melted into something much softer, seemingly giving in the to fact that she couldn't wiggle her way out of this one.

Santana's teeth clamped down on her bottom lips and her brow furrowed in thought and after a moment she spoke.

"I meant it." She said, quite and small as if she didn't know if she should be saying this or not.

"I know you did." Rachel said with a smile.

A moment passed between them, through the silence, when Santana's eyes met Rachel's, sometime indescribable passed between them. Rachel felt warmth spark up inside her as she was face with something she thought she'd never see from Santana, honesty. This now, just like when she was asleep, she looked real, like a real person with a real beating heart, instead of the untouchable ball of fire and wrath that she was at school.

"What are you eating?" She asked after a quick moment, barely a second. Rachel knew she was just trying to change the subject but she didn't mind, knowing that if she tried to force more out of the girl she would just get pushed back.

"Vegan yoghurt with banana. What some?" Rachel ask holding out a spoonful to the girl.

Santana seemed hesitant for a moment, probably weary of the word vegan. She was probably expending some bland sludge and looked as like she was going to say not but then her eyes met Rachel's for a second and she just nodded.

Rachel couldn't help but think Santana was cute as she accept the spoonful. She watched as the girl savoured the flavour and the swallowed and it seemed like she was trying not to show just how much she liked it.

"Good shit Berry." She said and Rachel had to swallow her laughter.

"Want me to make you some?" Rachel asked.

"Na, it's good but nothing beats a sausage and egg McMuffin from the glorious golden arches." Santana says as she gets up from her spot on the couch.

Rachel couldn't help the disappointment she felt as Santana walk towards her door. She didn't know what she had expected, but obviously it was something or she wouldn't be feeling like this.

Maybe she was just caught up in the feeling of having someone else around that she had tricked herself into somehow believing that she and Santana were somehow friends but of course they weren't. Santana practically hated her guts and openly announced that fact whenever she got the chance.

"You coming Berry?" Santana asked as she walked out the door, leaving it open for Rachel to follow.

She was momentarily stunned into silence.

"Oh." She said before a massive smile took over her face.

She grabbed her phone and her keys on the way out, locking the door behind her and shooting Quinn a text telling her that she was sorry didn't reply last night, that she had just missed the text and hoping that she enjoyed service today.

Then she joyed Santana on the pavement and the girl lead them off down the street in the direction, Rachel was sure, of the nearest McDonalds.

"What are you smiling at Berry?" Santana asked sounding her usually level of annoyed.

"Nothing Santana." Rachel replied innocently, flashing her smile at the other girl.

* * *

 _I don't know much about small american towns but surely they have McDonalds, right? See you guys in three months ;)_


End file.
